MY DREAM

The Naija and the British govts agreed to exchange countries, so the British govt moved over and naija came here.
I woke up and discovered water was not running- ki lo sele....mi o j'ewo now. So i just used the mouthwash and left for work without taking my bath.
On getting to the station, i met touts at the barrier " ogbeni machine yi o sise, mu cash e dani" i don't carry cash so i was not allowed to go through. The only other option left to complete my journey is the BUS. Arghhhhh!!!
The bus stop was chaotic. Some guys in green uniform were whiping commuters to stay on the queue. As soon as i joined the queue, one of the guys came and wrote a number on my palm "ogbeni, tally number niyen o...to ba ti pare ti e ba e niyen o ni ba motor lo" he said and moved to the next person on the queue. I checked my hand "no.830" yeeee Oluwa!
Bus 53 came along with the conductor hanging loosely from the door and shouting "Detford, Newcross, Old kent, .......mu shange e dani o. ....machine inu oko no dey work o.....i no want wahala o....no 50 pans shange o....enter with your shange....elephant....new cross....old kent"
"Cash again?" I muttered. I turned to the lady standing behind me " Sister please can you help me with the fare i don't have any cash on me...?" she smiled and said no problem. "Thanks" i said as i smiled back.
On the bus, i could not get a seat and i was even sweating despite the temperature at sub-zero.
The driver took an unfarmiliar route without any prior warning and one man yelled from the back " Driver why you dey pass here... You no go pass my stop...wetin dey happen?"
"Oga dem don block dat side o...dem never complete the road work" the driver said. "you better come down here and treck to your wherever you dey go" he continued.
"You are indeed a mad man. Oya wait for me make i come down and tell your conductor to give me back my money if you don't want wahala this morning" the aggrieved man screamed.
The driver braked harshly sending all the passengers all over the place, "come down if you wan come down....and wetin you wan do? Even if you be boko haram you no fit do anything" the driver barked back at him.
The mention of boko haram infuriated most of the passengers, " Driver no go dat side o.....no dey call bad thing with your mouth for our head o. Instead make you beg the man....you dey call boko, se boko na wetin dem dey take play?" A stout man who acted as the voice of the passengers spoke loudly.
(I rolled over on my bed and continued the dream)
At Newcross, street sellers were already setting up their wares on the street, the traffic were barely moving as impatient drivers had blocked off the major intersections. Traffic lights have stopped working here also, same thing i noticed since i commenced my journey.
At Oldkent road, a government official was blarring the siren and making frantic effort to break out from the traffic. His convoy eventually found a way out- they faced the on-coming traffic.
At Elephant, the police stopped our bus and ordered the driver to come down. Their meeting was a lenghty one and some passengers were shouting out to him from inside the bus "give dem waiting dem want abeg make we comot for here we don late o...." He returned to the bus cursing the policemen "awon oloriburuku, gbogbo nkan ta ti pa laaro yi naa ni won ti gba yen....i go crush one of una for road one day"
All the bus-stops from Westminster all the way to Trafalgar sqr had been removed. A big sign was erected reading "NO STOPPING, NO WAITING, KEEP OFF". I saw fierce-looking soldiers everywhere. I could not get off at my usual stop at Whitehall.
"What's happening here" i asked the man standing next to me. "That's the Government house. Are you a JJC?" He replied.
At Trafalgar sqr, our driver stopped without any apologies to fill up a water jerrycan from the fountain to put in the bus radiator.
" Abeg o i wan put water for the radiator o...but we go wait small for the thing to cool down" the driver announced after he came back with the water can. At this point i couldn't take it anymore so i alighted and completed the rest of the journey to work on foot.
"Why are you just coming now?" my furious boss asked.
Erm...sorry sir....i'm not just used to this system sir...
"Keep shut!" he screamed. He asked angrily, "which system are you talking about?" He threw some money notes at me and told me to go and buy diesel for the company generator.
"When did we start to use generator....When did we start to use generator....diesel? Office.....generator"
Then my wife shook me and said "wake up, wake up you are talking in your dream....it's time to get ready for work orelse you'll be late"
I said my shortest prayer ever after i woke up; "Thank God it was a dream."