Do you think dem go give the guy visa?

(Interview @ the UKHC, Lagos)

Caseworker: Goodmorning. Why do you want to visit the UK?

Applicant: I heard over the news that the Duchess of Cambridge is seriously sick so i'll like to pay her a visit, pray for her and drop a get-well-soon card.

Caseworker: Have you booked an appointment at the hospital for the visit?

Applicant: No. I'll do when i get there.

Caseworker: But do you think the trip is cost effective- just to drop a card? Why don't you simply send it by post?

Applicant: Look madam, we are talking of a human being here. How much is a card compared to the life of a human being? No amount is too much. It's not the price of the card that matters but the heart behind the gift. By the way i'll buy her flowers when i get there in addition to the card.
I cannot send the card by post simply because our postal system is in shambles. I am sure she'll have given birth to her second baby before the card gets there eventually.
(Getting angry) Madam, please give me visa let me go. It is my money i am spending- am not asking the UK government to donate for me. It is my life am putting at risk by travelling- it is a big sacrifice to travel especially at this time when aeroplane just drop anyhow like mosquito.
Madam please......you should appreciate my sacrifice not question me this much!

Case worker: Ok please i am only doing my job if you don't mind. There's no need to raise your voice.
Erm...how are you related to the Duchess of Cambridge or her family? Have you met her before?

Applicant: I am not related to her. Haba...do i have to be related to somebody before i can show compassion? I don't know anyone in her family but i just love her humility. She is a good woman. This trip i want to make is not too much for someone who has been taking good care of the Prince. The man is looking so robust and fresh. Can't you see...? (lauging dryly)

Case worker: Ok. Kindly wait outside while i make a decision on your case.
Thank you.

(Dem go give the guy visa?)