THE CLUB YOU SUPPORT AND YOU

I have noticed that you can actually match people's characters with the performances of the football club which they support.
Here is looking at the 4 most-popular premiership clubs.

MAN-UTD:
1. Set high standards
2. Born winners
3. Unstable
4. Blame others for their misfotunes
5. Flirts
6. Controversial
7. Goal-getters

ARSENAL:
1. Disciplined
2. Sleek/show-off
3. Laid back
4. Give up easily
5. Frugal
6. Philosophical/deep thinkers
7. Unpredictable

CHELSEA:
1. Strong-minded
2. Power lies in strength
3. Temperamental/argumentative
4. Extravagant
5. Loud/arrogant
6. Back-stabbers
7. Willing to achieve success at d expense of others

LIVERPOOL:
1. Determined
2. Workaholic
3. Bad finishers
4. Lucky
5. Easy going
6. Little achievers
7. Resilient

Match these characteristics with your friends who support any of these clubs that you know.

Koradini burns newspaper

(Vendor delivers newspaper)

Koradini sees the headline:

"We have spent N7b on Mali crises"- GEJ

Koradini: Chei! My lord must not see this.
(quickly grabs matches and burn the newspaper)

(Satan percieves something burning):
Koradini, what is smelling? Something is burning? Can you check.....

Koradini: (sweating) yes my lord....it is one of these stupid boys that is playing with matches and paper. I said i wanted to teach them how to burn incense but i went to answer the call of nature by the time i returned i met them fooling about sir.

Satan: ok. Make sure you keep an eye on them.

Satan and Koradini in Ikare, Ondo

‎(Satan and Koradini walking on a street somewhere in Ikare, Ondo state, saw a woman on the street wailing and slamming herself on the tarred road)

Satan: What is wrong with that woman koradini?

Koradini: She must be very sad my lord...

Satan: Ofcourse i am not blind i can see that she is not in a good mood. I mean what is her problem?

Koradini: erm....i don't know my lord. Let me find out.

(Koradini changed his form and approched the woman 'Samaritanically')

Koradini: Madam, calm down....what is the problem?

Woman: haaaa.....heeeeee....i am finished o.....i am ruined o......my only son has been sent to jail for stealing a phone. Jamiu has been jailed for 3years ooooooo bcos of stealing a mobile phone of N17,000.

Koradini: Haaa.... very sad.....i know how you feel madam but stealing is very bad.

(koradini goes back to satan)

Koradini: My lord, the woman's son was caught stealing and sent to jail. He deserves it. Definitely....stealing is not good my lord like you usually tell me.

Satan: wow! He must have stole something very huge o because this government hardly send people to jail. He must be a really bad guy.

Koradini: Yes my lord....No my lord...erm...yes.....

Satan: What is No, Yes, No, ......Yes.....

Koradini: Yes my lord this government hardly send people to jail but...erm No my lord the guy is not a big thief sir......i dont just understand what happened to him. He only stole a mobile phone worth N17,000 my lord....

Satan: He stole phone? Phone of N17,000 and he got 3 years with no option of fine? Do you know what you are talking about at all?
How much did Director of Police pension steal?

Koradini: N2b my lord.

Satan: How many years did he get?

Koradini: 2 years my lord but he don't need to serve as long as he can afford the option of fine at N250,000.

Satan: koradini, i am thirsty.....get me water.....

One situation, One God, Different people

SITUATION: A resident reported the church to the council regarding their noise level which is above the approved decibel.

Reaction One: 

Pastor: Dear Parishioners, we received a letter from the council last week regarding a petition from one of the residents who complained about our noise level. The building committee organised a meeting with the council officials and it was suggested we improve on the soundproof.

We have subbed out the contract and work will commence this week to have the church properly sound-proofed so we can worship without constituting a nuisance to the community.

God bless you all.

Reaction Two:

Pastor: (Shouting and sweating) People of God, i want to you to take the next prayer point very serious. We want to pray that all the troubler of this soosi should die. God said decree one thing and it shall be established...so we want to decree now.
Oya all of you turn now and face Prof's house. Point towards his house and command consuming fire to fall on his house and entire household.
He has been reporting us to the council that we are disturbing him with our noise. He said we should be banned from serving our God.....brethren, decree now that paralysis should come upon him. Call for leprosy....pray that he should run madddddd
Prayerrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

Our thinking makes all the difference

One of the reasons why the rich will continue to get richer is simply because they know how to PLAN.
They don't just do things for the sake of it. All their moves are strategic and well calculated.
They take their time to build something of quality that'll outlast them and can be passed from generation to generation.

I'll use David Beckham and family as an example.
The second child is already modelling for Burbbery. The first recently had a trial with Chelsea.
The third had already been said to be showing positive signs on the entertainment side. He is a good dancer and i think Victoria once featured him briefly in one of the musical shows with her group.
The rich don't raise their kids with the mentality of growing up to be an employee. They raise them to create their own world. Many courses which some people go to the Uni to study are practically useless and won't bring out the best in them. But you can't blame them because that's the way they have been brought up to think.

Everything about David commands money. Clubs don't buy him only for footballing reasons. His image sells ANYTHING! Not many players of his age would have clubs lining up to get their signatures.
The mentality of the poor is killing the poor hence they have lost so many money-spinning opportunities. Coincidentally, they are the most religious. So almost everything to them is a sin....yet they can go to seek assistance from the rich man after criticising his source of wealth. Guess another passage dey inside bible wey dem go use cover up their hypocrisy. "the riches of the gentiles belong to them" 

I have always known David to carry himself well. He kept things clean and tight. Kings invite him for functions even his country uses him for diplomatic issues. Rather when all these boys have small change they begin to misbehave. They don't care about their image. Small time money go finish, fame go die down and they'll only be remembered for the bad things they have done.

Now, the poor think they were only created and commissioned to help populate the earth. Won kan ma ma bimo anyhow without any plan. How can an okada man be having 8 children? Even civil servant to n bimo merin ikoja aye gba ni. Soon, they'll go about begging for money to pay school fees of their children. If the rich man slams the gate of his house in their face won a so wipe o lahun. KO LAHUN O, EYIN LE O YA ARA YIN BRAIN.

Sadly enough, the poor don't also appreciate the value of money. They spend to appear rich! They rich don't spend their money, they spend the returns on their investments.

Consider the ratio of Poor/children to that of the rich/children and then say wether am talking rubbish.
Consider standards of living of both categories of people and tell me i don't know what i am saying.

I once heard an oyinbo said "we are not planning for a child now because we can't afford it" while my own people will say "Olorun ni nwo omo were...e ma bi won lo Olorun a toju won"

Na the same God create all of us but na  THINKING seperate us.

MY DREAM

The Naija and the British govts agreed to exchange countries, so the British govt moved over and naija came here.
I woke up and discovered water was not running- ki lo sele....mi o j'ewo now. So i just used the mouthwash and left for work without taking my bath.
On getting to the station, i met touts at the barrier " ogbeni machine yi o sise, mu cash e dani" i don't carry cash so i was not allowed to go through. The only other option left to complete my journey is the BUS. Arghhhhh!!!
The bus stop was chaotic. Some guys in green uniform were whiping commuters to stay on the queue. As soon as i joined the queue, one of the guys came and wrote a number on my palm "ogbeni, tally number niyen o...to ba ti pare ti e ba e niyen o ni ba motor lo" he said and moved to the next person on the queue. I checked my hand "no.830" yeeee Oluwa!
Bus 53 came along with the conductor hanging loosely from the door and shouting "Detford, Newcross, Old kent, .......mu shange e dani o. ....machine inu oko no dey work o.....i no want wahala o....no 50 pans shange o....enter with your shange....elephant....new cross....old kent"
"Cash again?" I muttered. I turned to the lady standing behind me " Sister please can you help me with the fare i don't have any cash on me...?" she smiled and said no problem. "Thanks" i said as i smiled back.
On the bus, i could not get a seat and i was even sweating despite the temperature at sub-zero.
The driver took an unfarmiliar route without any prior warning and one man yelled from the back " Driver why you dey pass here... You no go pass my stop...wetin dey happen?"
"Oga dem don block dat side o...dem never complete the road work" the driver said. "you better come down here and treck to your wherever you dey go" he continued.
"You are indeed a mad man. Oya wait for me make i come down and tell your conductor to give me back my money if you don't want wahala this morning" the aggrieved man screamed.
The driver braked harshly sending all the passengers all over the place, "come down if you wan come down....and wetin you wan do? Even if you be boko haram you no fit do anything" the driver barked back at him.
The mention of boko haram infuriated most of the passengers, " Driver no go dat side o.....no dey call bad thing with your mouth for our head o. Instead make you beg the man....you dey call boko, se boko na wetin dem dey take play?" A stout man who acted as the voice of the passengers spoke loudly.
(I rolled over on my bed and continued the dream)
At Newcross, street sellers were already setting up their wares on the street, the traffic were barely moving as impatient drivers had blocked off the major intersections. Traffic lights have stopped working here also, same thing i noticed since i commenced my journey.
At Oldkent road, a government official was blarring the siren and making frantic effort to break out from the traffic. His convoy eventually found a way out- they faced the on-coming traffic.
At Elephant, the police stopped our bus and ordered the driver to come down. Their meeting was a lenghty one and some passengers were shouting out to him from inside the bus "give dem waiting dem want abeg make we comot for here we don late o...." He returned to the bus cursing the policemen "awon oloriburuku, gbogbo nkan ta ti pa laaro yi naa ni won ti gba yen....i go crush one of una for road one day"
All the bus-stops from Westminster all the way to Trafalgar sqr had been removed. A big sign was erected reading "NO STOPPING, NO WAITING, KEEP OFF". I saw fierce-looking soldiers everywhere. I could not get off at my usual stop at Whitehall.
"What's happening here" i asked the man standing next to me. "That's the Government house. Are you a JJC?" He replied.
At Trafalgar sqr, our driver stopped without any apologies to fill up a water jerrycan from the fountain to put in the bus radiator.
" Abeg o i wan put water for the radiator o...but we go wait small for the thing to cool down" the driver announced after he came back with the water can. At this point i couldn't take it anymore so i alighted and completed the rest of the journey to work on foot.
"Why are you just coming now?" my furious boss asked.
Erm...sorry sir....i'm not just used to this system sir...
"Keep shut!" he screamed. He asked angrily, "which system are you talking about?" He threw some money notes at me and told me to go and buy diesel for the company generator.
"When did we start to use generator....When did we start to use generator....diesel? Office.....generator"
Then my wife shook me and said "wake up, wake up you are talking in your dream....it's time to get ready for work orelse you'll be late"
I said my shortest prayer ever after i woke up; "Thank God it was a dream."

I don't do religion. I do relationship

Just like Paul said in Acts 26:25 "...i speak of the words of truth and reason."

"I don't do religion. I do relationship"

Something happened to me last week, i received a not-too- pleasant news and i began to feel troubled. Because i realised the trick of satan, i knew what was coming up next is fear and once fear have its way, things will start to crumble so i quickly arrested the situation and God ministered to me through the song of a brother- Kelechi Ify "I am God's priority". That song started coming repeatedly to me and i smiled because i knew it was settled. I had the assuarance i wanted. I know that whatever happen even regarding the news i had just received, it will work still in my favour.

But when i got home from work later that evening, i was going over the issue again and i asked myself this question " why am i worried over this issue? God has not told me anything relating to this. He hasn't shown me anything about this in advance. So that means it cannot happen."
Now, before i can ask such a bold question it means i know what i am talking about. It means i know the relationship which exist between me and God. It means He has been telling me things prior to this. It means i know the way He operates with me.
So how do i come about this relationship with God? I'll share my experience below, not to show off or to prove am holy, but to let you know that God is available and can be found by those who seek Him. This was not a straightforward process. It was painful, tough, and long but worth it.

GAINNING MY ATTENTION
It all started by God gaining my attention. He got my attention by taking away my beloved immediate younger sister. This sad incident pained me so much and i set a war path between me and God. I foolishly told Him that "it is fight to finish between both of us." However, he exposed my folly by making me to realise that a creation cannot fight its creator. I started falling sick frequently without any known cause and then i had to return back to Him for healing.

HE DEMANDED FOR A RELATIONSHIP
Each time i fall sick, i get prayed for until one day He instructed a woman(one of those who usually pray for me) to tell me that He needed to teach me how to fight my own battles. That was the last time the woman prayed for me. She simply sent me on 7days fasting and directed me to CAC Agbala Itura, not to be prayed for by anyone but to go and fight my own battles by myself.
There, God has stationed another brother there who was going to mentor me. I never knew him, he simply came and became my prayer partner. He was so useful to me for several years after and even up till now we are still together.
During this 2nd stage of the process, i learnt how to take my case to my creator. I learnt how to suffer my flesh, i learnt how to fight my battles. My relationship with Him has started. The stuffs i went through cannot be said on this page- e too much! Most importantly here i learnt the importance of having the Holy Spirit. This is the core of everything and i would need him at every other stages and for the rest of my life.

HE TAUGHT ME HOW HE OPERATES AND DEAL WITH PEOPLE
The next stage was for Him to start teaching me about life and how He operates and deal with people. I learnt how to take all instructions from Him. I learnt obedience even when it is not convinient or does not make any logical sense. I learnt how to depend on Him. I learnt P A T I E N C E. This was the hardest part. It was a mind- wrecking journey. I learnt that patience is a virtue. You have it and your life is settled. You have it and there is no place for worries. Patience does not mean that you should live your life without ambition. It means moving at God's timing. The most accurate time anyone could follow.
The other teachings are never-ending ones.....even i am still learning up till now.

HE REVEALED MY FUTURE TO ME
Here, He made my journey clear to me. Even though i don't how to get there because the light He shed on my path is only sufficient to take the next step, but knowing what lays ahead of me enabled me to pick my choices wisely. That's why emi kii wo ariwo oja, eniti mo ba nna oja ni mo nwo. I know what He said, i have seen what He has done....so i can trust Him for the rest.
Now because He showed me what laid ahead does not mean things wil be falling in place just like that. NO! I have still got battles to fight, oppositions to confront, uncertainties to face... Yes that is the deal and i understood it.

HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO HEAR FROM HIM
Having revealed to me what laid ahead, the next stage was for Him to teach me how to hear from Him on what step to take next. How to be sensitive to His signals. How to understand His promptings. These took several forms- His word, dreams, songs, visions, messages, 3rd parties(this could be anybody- even a mad man). I have submitted to His interruptions as He pleases.
This aspect is vital in spiritual battles because it is like someone leaking the top secrets of your enemies to you. So when you go to battle with them, it is a walk-over for you because you have first conquered in the spiritual realm.
So i always get the warning in advance. Also, he gave me the wisdom to handle them because some of them can be so terrifying.

Inspite of all these, i am still in the process of being perfect. I am constantly renewing my spirit. I still have my own demons i am fighting with- sins that easily besets. But i never stay down anytime i fall. I get up and move again.
I understand the trick of the enemy is to get me off-track and to accuse me and also make me feel rejected so mi o ni gba fun. I know His thoughts towards me.....and that's all that counts.

I have shared all these with you so that you can quit religion and develop a relationship. Religion kills. Religion blindfolds. Religious leaders you follow about have all gone insane. They have sold their souls to the devil because of worldly gains and would lead as many as possible to miss their purposes in life.
With my relationship with Him, i don't have a prayer time- i pray all the time even when my lips are not moving. I am always in tune with the Spirit. Mi o figba kankan tura sile. Sometimes, i get complascent, i am human but the Holy Spirit is on hand to call me to order.

...So back to my story which brought up this write up, 3 days after i received the news, the matter was sorted without breaking any sweat. Then, i said to myself "Ah ha i said it now that this can't happen because He never told me so."
This is a relationship not religion!

Against all odds

I got to where i am today against all odds. I am the sort of guy no one really gave a chance to succeed.
Even though i sometimes feel bitter about these happenings, i was undaunted and continued to improve on myself. I was 100% sure that God's purposes and plans for me can NEVER be changed by any man.

I understood perfectly the principle of timing therefore, mi o binu awon to n da fun, neither did i at anytime made any attempt to pull down others for me to rise. I was patiently waiting for my time.
I never pushed too hard to make myself relevant rather i do the little i can within the space i can find. I never put my trust in man- i know it's either they fail me or they ask for greater returns after they have assisted me.

I never lived my life as competiting with anybody- i was contented with whatever i have even though i wasn't satisfied with my position. I never got carried away with flashy things- i focused on things of quality. Things of quality have no fear of time.
There is uniqueness in simplicity. I detest complications.

I am not the perfect guy you are looking for but i am sincere.
I remained true to myself and maintained my originality. Fake life for me is a turn-off. I look myself, talk myself...i don't struggle to fit in.
To a certain degree, i am a non- conformist. I always dare to be different and enjoy thinking against the norm.
I only celebrate creativity.

I knew the race isn't for the swift neither is the battle to the strong, therefore i relied solely on God's grace to pull me through and not my strength.
I never stopped praying even when there were no results. I knew prayers don't waste, just like inoculations - they are stored somewhere and they'll work someday when needed.

I am a man that enjoys solitude. I never stopped thinking, never stopped probing, never stopped learning and never considered anyone too young to learn from. I learnt both from the wise and the foolish.

I chose people who are on a journey as friends not those who are at their destinations. I hung about with those who are 'hungry' not ones who are 'fed'.

I talk only when neccesary and i know when to stop talking.

(Please pick whatever you find useful from my story and disregard the grammatical blunders- iyen o relevant).

STOP PLAYING GOD

For those of you who are playing 'god' with other people's destinies- please STOP!
The cries of those suffering as a result of your wickedness has reached a climax with God and He's going to avenge them says the Lord God of host.

PLEASE I BEG YOU WITH THE INFINITE MERCIES OF GOD TO AMEND YOUR WAYS IF YOU FALL INTO THE FOLLOWING CATEGORIES OR SIMILAR:

-If you have been deliberately blocking someone else's progress because you think you have the power to do so.

-If you have made up your mind to use your position not to allow another person to rise just because they have 'offended' you.

-If you have been speaking ill of another person(s) to the hearing of their helpers just to discredit them.

-If you have what that person needs to succeed in your hand but you have sworn to withold it from them for as long as you can.

STOP PLAYING GOD- You are not God o....Iwo ko l'Eledumare, o kan nhuwa bi Eledumare ni.
You'll give account for all the destinies you have ruined and sent to their early graves without accomplishing their goals in life.

Please...please.....please in the name of God, release every destiny you are holding up.
Release whatever is in your possession that is not yours.
Give to others their fair shares of the deal as agreed from the beginning.
Fun olukuluku ni eto re ti o to si....

ESAN OLUWA MBO OOO!!!!!

Before you take her to the alter- Search well o!

Before you take her to the alter make intense enquiries about her and the family. To avoid marrying someone from a dysfunctional family e.g, where the father has been sleeping with his daughters. If not na curse u wan carry for head o.

Please search thouroughly, the social media-twitter, yfrog, all gossip blogs, fb, BB pin, ipad pin, nokia, porn sites, google, penpals, myspace, youtube, dailymotion...i mean everywhere to see you are not marrying a pornstar. Girls have gone insane and shameless now- nothing wey dem no fit do for money and fame.
But later...dem wan repackage and settle down to marry a responsible guy.

Things wey man eyes dey see now too heavy for my brain to process and for my mouth to talk.
#very disturbing

At the end of each day ask yourself: "if i die tonight have i really done well enough?"

Eniti a gbe gun ori eshin to tun nta ara ile nipa, o ti gbagbe wipe bi eshin ba da ohun m'ole ara ile ni yio gbe ohun dide."

Ok....you might see some people who have climbed the trees past its leaves (won ti gun igi koja ewe), sugbon mo ro wa wipe ka yo niwonba. Owe loro yi je fun gbogbo wa wipe "ka ma j'aye familete ntuto".

Use whatever position you find yourself for the benefit of mankind.

Surround yourself with good advisers.

Keep sycophants very far away from you.

Never allow the spirit of arrogance to have a place in your heart.

At the end of each day ask yourself: "if i die tonight have i really done well enough?"
If your heart condemns you and you are given another opportunity to see a new break of the day, then make amends where necessary.

Do everything with the fear of God.

Remember, a creature that pitches his tent against his creator is prepared for destruction.

Don't be an 'ITK'

Great empires are built with the contributions of both the young and the old.
Never disregard anyone's advice. If you don't need it now, fi pamo o si ma wulo.
Never be too big to seek for a second opinion- ko s'eni to gbon tan.
Owo omode le ma to pepe, sugbon t'agbalagba gan o le wo akeregbe.
Likewise, beware of people around you who'll encourage your 'Saul' to carry-out the responsibility of 'Samuel'.
Becareful not to get carried away by the adulation of people. Don't let them send you on an errand of no-return.

Arpeal leta to the precident of Wrappas assosiation of naigeria

Pilease whomever knows the precident of Wrappas assosiation of naigeria to pilease pass this my mesage to him that they shuld are pilease relax the rule consaning drezzing of wrappas in this our contree. How can they be are forcing them to be wearings big big jaket in this hotting condition? Do they want to are kills them? Cant they wrap without they are not wear the jackets? Cant they wrap with wearing only t-shets?
We their fanz and the generality of the naigeria pipus they are a complain that this wrappas swet and smell too mush. Amerikans that they are copy are wears it becuz of the colding situations in their countrees

Also, they shuld band anyone ofdem they are seeing wears shunshade in the night time. Haba what kaind of rubbish stylish swaggerz is dat to be wears shunhade in the darking somewhere. Do they have witlows in their eyez that they are hidings away from we their fanz?

Pilease if i have vex anyone dont be angerment with me and use me to release CD at Alaba o.
Pilease, pilease, pilease....

DEUS EST REGIT QUI OMNIA

I’ll like to share this short piece with you. Maybe this is the only missing piece in the jigsaw of your life? Maybe your peace would have been restored if you understand the rhema you are about to read. I pray your understanding is renewed as you read and digest these words. God bless.

If a sparrow cannot fall without His notice, can an empire arise without His aid?

While so many things don’t seem precious in this present age, our TIME is still something too precious to squander.
How sad it is to look back over our lives and see that we have spent so much time and energy on futility.

I have an inscription on my body which reads: “NISI DOMINUS FRUSTA”. It is a Latin word that means “Without the Lord, Frustration” this comes from the first words of Psalm 127-

“Unless the LORD builds the house,
its builders labour in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early
and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves.
For so he gives his beloved sleep”

It is important to put God at the core of everything you are doing otherwise your labour might ultimately end in futility and frustration.

You can’t do it alone. You can plan alright, but the power to execute belongs to the Lord. Proverbs 21:31 confirms this '' the horse is prepared for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the LORD.''
Can you remember the parable of the rich fool in Luke 12: 13-21; Notice the emphasis on “I” and “my” as he reasons with himself. He did not understand that his prosperity was a gift from God. He assumes that he will live for a long time, and will enjoy his stuff, until God enters the scene and pointed out his folly. '' After your life is taken from you tonight, who will own all you have acquired?'' God asked.

When God is with you, your timing and calendar changes. You struggle less, all your moves become strategic, and when you aim you hit the target!

Psalm 127 tells us of a God whose involvement makes all the difference. Only if you’ll place Him at the core of all you do.

Will you from this day depend on Him for direction in all you do, like Moses did in Exodus 33:15?

“DEUS EST REGIT QUI OMNIA”- THERE IS A GOD WHO RULES ALL THINGS.

To all artisans/ professionals

Gbogbo e naa ko ni demonic attack o. If you are not getting as much patronage as your colleagues, please consider the following points before you book for spiritual cleansing:

- Whenever you are given any project, please produce quality jobs for you clients. Dont see it as only an avenue to make money, see it as an oppurtunity to SELL yourself. If you produce poor quality jobs, aye ara e lo n baje. You are simply sending out signals to prospective clients to beware of you and keep off. Let your work and happy clients be your marketers. You don't have to pay for adverts.

- Pay attention to details. This sets the wheat apart from the chaffs. If you are asked to produce samples, please present the best. Don't say " sebi ko funmi lowo sample, je ki n kan se anyhow just for him to have an idea". If you do that, you have just lost out on a bid. Remember, you about to sell yourself, FIRST IMPRESSION MATTERS A LOT.

- Be attentive to your clients' opinion- In as much as you want to exhibit your skills, please avoid what they don't like.
"Bo ti wu ki irunmu alagbase gun to, eniti o gbe ise fun l'oga e"
If your client pointed out that you have made mistakes, take responsibility and be willing to make corrections. Ma pe ni amuwa Olorun. They won't patronise you next time o!

- Be professional in the manner you conduct your business-dont take more jobs if you have a huge backlog to clear, meet deadlines, give your clients periodic feedbacks on the progress you are making, if you are running behind schedule inform them so that they can have a back-up plan. Dont keep silent and disappoint them. Honesty can never be over-emphasised.

- Be bold enough to turn down job offers which you know is below the standard you want. It's not all about money! YOUR REPUTATION IS IMPORTANT. E.g a greedy producer who accepts everyone called 'artist' without minding his reputation can never be taken serious. ELÉBI LASAN NI.

- Dont be too arrogant to seek other people's opinion about your work. A 3rd eye can see what you are not seeing, a 3rd ear might hear what you cannot. Don't rubbish other people's view no matter how junior they are to you( it might even be your apprentice). Their contribution might mean all the difference in your job. Learn to accept criticism and pick something positive from it. Regardless of your level of expertise, you are still human- not perfect.
Funny enough, you'll still take all the glory and not them.

- Never stop updating yourself on the latest technology or software related to your field. E.g Printing ti koja Roneo machine o. Aye Laser la wa yi. No one will patronise you if they discover you are not on top of your game, while those who do will value your services less.

- What you dont know, you dont know! Dont accept jobs you have no idea about. Ma Lo ÍKÒ. Because as a tailor you know how to use tape measure does not give you the licence to act as a surveyor. Don't say "sebi ki won kan won ile naa ni?" It's more than that o!

- Don't compete with others in the game. Just do your thing and be known for CLASS. You will attract princes and not ordinary men.

-Above all, stay connected to the source- God. Ma wo aago alago sare.

(This is a free consultancy service, mi o gba owo lowo yin. Just share this if you know i have contributed something meaningful to the growth of your career).

A K I N da Rapper

(Naija's rapper accent)

Yo Yo Yo....its A.K.I.N ur bois in da bulding!
Waddup to all my fans and da real Gees....

Shatout to my manager Big Y, ima call him Da Boss...(manager sef show im face with im dirty swagger flashing some finger signs wey im sef no understand)

Shatout to my boi shotty P
Shatout to my boi Jerry
Shatout to my boi Saint

To all da crews in MJU gangs i feel u mehn!!! BRAP!

(Adjusting my big fake aluminium-coated bling)

Am ere we ma bois to lock down dis town mehn...
For real...we ma paint everywhere red...YOU FEEL ME!

Hello, u ered me.....we gonna parry all da long tonit

DJ Kassy one love mehn!!!

(Suddenly yells and the press guy drops the microphone out of fright)

(Photoshoot in session)

Posing with all sorts of finger signs- trying to forming membership of Illuminati (Eket Branch).

IMA HARD GUY!!!

Na we all cause am

1. You drop pure water sachet and Gala wrappers indiscriminately or see people who do while you turn a blind eye.
2. You accept or give bribe
3. You accepted money or gift before you voted
4. You have cheated or still cheat in school
5. You lie in the name of God to defraud other people
6. You have more than one sex partner
7. You lied in your CV or during that interview or you 'sleep' your way to get that job
8. You don't pay taxes
9. You re-connect your light illegally after disconnection
...the list is endless.

Stop blaming the government.
Leave GEJ out of the matter now.
WE ALL HAVE A PART TO CLEAR IN THIS WHOLE MESS. CLEAR YOUR OWN MAKE ANOTHER MAN CLEAR IM OWN- MESS GO FINISH FOR GROUND.

Be the change you desire to see in the world.

Be organised

(I wrote this as a reaction to what happened on the bus this morning)

I marvel at how some people make fool of themselves when they start searching frantically for their oyster cards only when they get on the bus.
...The question is when was the last time you used it? 1963?
The driver wont move unless you produce it, neither will he order you to get off....You are now the reason why other smart commuters will get late for their respective appointments because of your reckless, arrogant and selfish behaviour. You are arrogant and selfish when you don't even have the courtesy of stepping off the bus when your search produces a futile result.

Little thing like this shows how disorganised some people are with their lives.
If you can't manage small items of yours tell me how you can manage your destiny.
...You miss flights at will, gets late for appointments, misplaces important files, does everything at the very last minute, and are always full of excuses.

When you are disorganised, you are always under pressure, equally you put other people around you under pressure, you blame others, you complain, you don't get things done, people can't trust you with anything and you are repulsed.
The final end is failure.

Simplify your lives. Why go about with a mini travel luggage as handbag full of junks you don't need?

Be tidy. Place things at their proper places where you can easily find them. I know where i keep my things such that i can dress confidently in stark darkness.
Why should you be looking for your toothbrush under the bed and shoe in the fridge?! Should used-plates be kept in the bedroom for 3 days?!

Maybe this is the simple act some people need to improve upon to set themselves on the path to their breakthrough. You have prayed and fasted....now work on yourself.

(Yea nobody is perfect, occasional lapses are acceptable but am talking to the people who are completely reckless).

Dont apply faith where common sense will do

Buying an ipad case without having an ipad is an act of foolishness not faith.

...lo dapa kiakia now ko gbowo e pada!

Don't apply faith where common sense will do.

Gawd have messi!

I saw her updating her BB status which reads:
''ice cream thingz....@ da beach...drinking ice cream with my boo on a sunny afternoon. Baba God nooni!
...i love u boo. * haterz get a life*''

(Meanwhile d babe updating this status dey on the same bus with me)

....Bcos i av not being having enough sleep lately me sef confuse begin dey look around for the beach...i dey ask myself if i never craze like dis.. Na beach i dey or on d bus?

Gawd have messi!

BELIEVE

Some of the things you enjoy in the world today are products of men who never stopped thinking.
Men who were never afraid of failing.
Men who even when they failed were never ashamed to start all over again.
Men who never listened or cared about the jeers of people but believed in their dreams, and did not rest until the dreams became realities.

Only those who are crazy enough to think they can influence a change in world actually do
Ma se ro ara re pin.
Gboju s'oke ko wo ita; As far as your eyes can see you can possess.
Things you see today are results from people who rose beyond self-limiting thoughts.
Talo so wipe o le se?
Talo so wipe o le de be?
Talo so wipe o le dide?
It's nobody but YOU.

When you are self-defeated you are totally-defeated.

Another day

Another day, another challenge
Another day, another land to conquer
Another day, another enemy to face
Anoder day, another mountain to climb
Another day, another friend to make
Another day, another birth
Another day, another dream
Another day, another story to write
No two days are the same for a champion.

S.O.S- Please buy your right size.

Now let's get this clear and lay it to rest once and for all.

I don't get why a woman would leave her house, buy travel card and go to Ann Summer or M&S or wherever to buy an undersized bra.
Abi all these ones i see around, dem dash dem?
Even if they are on sales, avoid them and save up to buy your right size.
Aside the ugly sights you create around (with so much spillage underneath your armpits and whole chest area looking complicated), there are also health-related risks involved.
Experts have warned that regular use of wrong bra size can cause life-time neck, shoulder and back ache, damage body posture, and even rupture the breast fragile ligament.

If you think its OK to kill yourself all in the name of fashion, please spare us the nauseating sight before you go.

Good day.

Supplication

I am running out of time but He's not
I don't know what to do but He knows
My confidence is low but His overflows
The rule says it's impossible but the ruler says it's possible

"I will sort you out" that's all i heard
I AM knows everything in full- i am the fool
I'll keep on believing till He says otherwise
Cos He's the final word, He's the Ace.

I ask for the strength not to quit
Though all i see ahead is just the pit
When the tide is high in my sail
Master of the storm keep me safe

I am just a mortal You are the immortal
My problems are mighty but You are the almighty;
Strong deliverer be my shield
Triumphantly let me march and the victor's crown may i wear.

No be by force to blow grammar. Stop placing curses on yourself.

But ki la n ba kiri gan?! why u no fit speak wetin u sabi?...ewo ni ke ma fun ara yin l'epe nitori e fe blow grammar.
See fellow prayer hooligan sef dey say ''amen'' SMH

#nkanbetinzz

God is not looking for entertainers

I urge worship leaders not to use the platform of worship to display their vocal skills or to convince their fans to vote for them in the next award gala. Go and organise your own show if you want to show-off!

It's not enough to just watch a video on you tube and then you come on Sunday to replicate what you have watched. You must allow yourself to be led by the Spirit of God.
Yea i understand that when you yield yourself to the Spirit you are no longer in control of the time and choice of songs which means you are certain to incur the wrath of the HOD choir and the pastor because you'll exceed the 20 mins allocated to worship in a service of 2 hrs and most likely not sing the popular song everyone wants to hear.
But who cares? Are you pleasing God or man?

Sometimes i see 2 lead singers in the same choir behaving like competitors and trying to outdo each other- i laugh. Some choiristers are even angry cos they are not allowed to hold a mic.

These are some of the things you'll see on display in a place where God has been replaced as the centre of worship.

God is not looking for entertainers, He's seeking true worshippers.

Bros, abeg come borrow me money

Guy: Bros, abeg come borrow me money.

Bros: Borrow you money for what?

Guy: I need to buy a whip....

Bros: Whip?....what is that?

Guy: It's a car. I need a ride.

Bros: So you want to borrow money to buy a car without having any means of repayment. Abi how do you hope to repay me?

Guy: I get work na. I'll pay you from my salaries. You just tell me your terms....

Bros: How much do you earn per annum, and how much is the car you want to buy?

Guy: I earn N1.2m P/A and the car is N2.5m.....It's a Toyota Camry

Bros: I don't care what make it is. Toyota camry ko, Toyota Cadbury ni. I never knew you are this foolish o. So it is true that putting on tie and wearing suit don't influence your intelligence....My God! Have you thought about the additional costs that would come along with the toy you want to buy? Kilode ti eyin omo ode oni ma nse ju ara yin lo naa?
Look here, borrowing should be a means of multiplying a viable project and not for the purchase of luxury. Even if you were to come to me to borrow money for the purpose of business, i'll still ask you the same questions.... in fact more. The reason is because any business which you decide to borrow to fund must have a predictable level of profit that is sufficient enough to cover the repayments/interests of the loan and also to keep your business alive.
A kii fi gbese s'orun s'eso. I don't borrow to appear rich. I spend within my means.

Guy: But Bros, When will i save enough to be able to buy the car without borrowing? All my mates are whipping about?

Bros: They are whiping you say....may God not allow you to WEEP instead. You are not the only one who think in this reckless manner. I see lots of people who borrow to even do parties...
Ti ori e ba pe ni, What you can do is to invest your savings and if properly managed, few years down the line, you'll be able to afford 20 of this car you want to borrow money to buy now.
If you cannot afford a lifestyle now, then don't borrow money to fund it. You'll only end up in shame when creditors start to chase you about.
Don't you know that even immediately you buy this car your living cost will shoot up, making it even harder to survive on your current income? So if not that you are mad, if your brain is working properly...you should know that you should send your money on errand first. O ye ki o koko ran owo e n'ise ni...then by the time it starts to deliver returns you can afford any kind of lifestlye you desire. No wonder the rich are getting rich while poor people like you with this shallow thinking are getting neck-deep into debts, and you end up dying in frustration and poverty.

Mo sorry o, i can't borrow you money.

Koradini in the Library

Satan: Koradini, where are you?

Koradini: I am in library my lord.

Satan: Library? Doing what?!

Koradini: I am doing research sir.....erm, check the newspaper under the table beside your seat sir....

(Satan checks) and headline reads:

"Birikisu Sungbo: One of King Solomon’s wives from Ogun State"

Satan: Hu-la-la!!! King Solomon married woman from Ogun? I mean this guy.....what is going on here?

See: LINK

A brief meeting with my mind

(It's 5:17am and i have not slept all through the night so i invited my mind for a brief chat)

Me: Hello mind are you alright?

Mind: I am very sound thank you. What about you, are you ok?

Me: No i am not. Can i ask you some questions?

Mind: Yes you can.

Me: Is man an island?

Mind: No. As in emphatic No!

Me: So you mean no man can ever start and complete a thing on his own without involving someoneelse?

Mind: Well you see, anyone who tries to that can only last a while before they'll eventually need the support or input of somebodyelse to ensure the completion of what they have embarked upon. Life is based on interactions. Everything you see in nature interacts- they all affect one another in different ways and man is not an exception.
It is usually a big struggle to go all alone. That's why it is written in the holy bible that "two are better than one". Have you also not read the part where it says "one shall chase 1,000 and two, 10,000?

Me: How come some people are prevented from partnering with others. Such people are constantly reminded that "irawo ti won gbe w'aye kii ba elomiran da nkan po?" Does that mean such people have been equipped to go all alone? Such people struggle while going all alone. Why?

Mind: Well, what is true is that to succeed in life you need to be sorrounded by the right kind of people. You need the people who'll push you to reach the next height and also support you when you slip.
If you have a dream and you have no team, that dream will be unexecutable.
If you have a dream and you have a bad team, the dream will be a nightmare.
If you have a dream and you have the right team, the dream will end in joy.
Therefore, what i'll say is choose wisely.

Me: So how do i choose wisely? How would i recognise them right people?

Mind: You need to go back to the one who gave you the assignment to show you people He wants to use to accomplish the task. You don't need to force yourself on people. You don't force help out of people. You don't pick up fights with those who have refused to help. They might not have been sent to play any role in your life.
So stay focus, be sensitive, and don't take anyone for granted.

Me: Thank you mind. I'll save my other questions for next time. I am feeling sleepy now.

Mind: Alright. You are welcome take care.

Know yourself

"Ikún nje ògèdè o n rerin músé; Ikún o mo wipe nkan to dun n pani"

Do you understand your body?
Do you understand your system well enough to know what you should abstain from without being told by the doctors?

This is what each person should do-know yourself. Our body functions differently and we react to substances also differently. If you pay close attention to yourself, you will be able to understand how your system functions and what it reacts to. You will be able to prevent some ailment before they occur rather than spending money on medications and living in pains and frustration.

Using myself as an example, i won't say i am self-obssessed but i watch changes across my body and system, once i notice anything unusual i start to trace what the cause is/are.
Few years back, i noticed each time i am on my way to church on Sunday i'll start having dry throat and then caughing. This went on and on and i got disturbed. Initially, i thought it could be the pressure of singing but i ruled that out. I don't sing under pressure. Likewise, i ruled out the tiredness of football i play on Saturdays.
So i traced it back to when it started and the new things or habits i picked up around that time, then i discovered a new bottle of perfume (Chaps by Ralph) i had just bought. I decided not to use this perfume to see whether that was the cause. Yes it was! Kini yen lo fe pa mi o!!! Now am not saying this perfume is bad, but there are some components of it that do not agree with my system. The continued use could have a detrimental effect on my life.
Ok problem found but am i disciplined enough to apply the solution? I just bought this perfume...but then i had to weigh my options- Do i stop now or continue and then damage more vital organs which cannot be readily purchased or replaced?
This is perharps the most important part of our problem- not willing to let go. Despite the fact that you know the cause of your pain and the devastating effect of a prolonged use, we still choose not to let go.

The second story i want to share is about my battle with gum pains and swellings. This was more painful and prolonged. I spent money on medications but only got temporary relief, within a short time it will flare up again.
On this occassion, it took me a longer time to discover the £1.20 object that has been making my life miserable- LUCOZADE ENERGY DRINK.
The day i discovered, i looked at the bottle of the drink in my hand and said "so iwo kini kekere yi lo nyo aye mi l'enu.....u dey craze?"
Since then i only look at it on the storeshelf and wave....i don't go near it.

Likewise your source of pain could be something very little which you have not really given any attention. Some of you might have even discovered theirs but are not willing to let go of the thing or the lifestyle. So first you need to pay attention to yourself, discover the cause of your problem and then be determined to let go. It could be a wierd lifestyle- try to chill out or stop completely. You need to start paying attention to the warning bells which your body has been ringing. You have ignored it long enough.
If families and friends have called your attention to certain things which they have discovered are bad for you, please try to give it a thought and change. The after-effect is not limited to you alone. It will spread across to friends and families who will be sad to see their loved one sick, colleagues at work will also be under pressure to cover for you while you call in sick almost on daily basis.

Preventive measure cost much less than the penalty for neglect.
E ma ranti wipe èmì ò l'áàrò. Life has no duplicate.

Satan feeling sick

(Satan feeling sick)

Koradini: My lord sir! What is the matter again....why are you vomitting? Should i call the ambulance?

Satan: (throwing up) urghhhhh!!. @#%&urrrrghhhh....

Koradini: oh my lord....you are making me scared......pls my lord....how are you feeling?

Satan: I just watched an irritating and very disturbing programme now on the TV. The horror trainning school called the Nigerian Police Academy.

...urrgggghhhhh.....

Somebody did not switch off the TV when PHN took the light....so when it was restored, that was the programme on air.

Urrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!

Koradini: Sorry my lord! No wonder these people graduate and they become beast in uniform.

....sorry my lord.

Click here to see: Nigeria Police Academy Pictures

Don't fail before you begin.

The rate at which marriages/relationships collapse now is almost assuming an acceptable celebrity status in our society.
In few years time, people will be throwing divorce parties, invites will be sent out calling friends to celebrate their divorce anniversaries. Won a mu aso-ebi, hire a hall, won a pe musician....even a question like "..so when are you getting divorced?" will be commonplace.

If you know you can't handle the weight and pressure of marriage, please remain single.
If you don't know what marriage is all about, please remain single until you do.
If you are getting married because of the things you desire or hope to gain from the other person, or to satisfy your fantasies, please remain single.
Don't get married out of desperation because you think you are getting too old.
Don't just get married because of the pressure being mounted on you by your families. They are not the one getting married-you are!

You desire a successful home but your choice of friends are those whose marriages have collapsed. It is so simple- they'll make you drink from their poisoned chalice. Once that happens, your marriage is on a process of dying a slow death.
Be very mindful of where you go seeking for advices.
Guys, if you know you can't stay responsible please remain single until you mature. There's no way you can abandon the care of your family at the expense of your lifestyle. They are your priority and everything else including you comes last.
You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard, the spiritual leader, the role model- you are not a deity. Don't expect to be worshipped. You need respect, earn it by being responsible.
Ladies, if you know you can't be submissive please don't go into marriage ki won ma fi lilu ba ti e je.
If you know you can't stand being corrected, please marry yourself. Don't throw away your spinsterhood garment if you see respect as a big deal.

Please check your domestic scorecard - if your score is zero, please stay at your parent's home to learn before you venture on going out. Laziness is a big turn off.
There's no place for a woman who turns the house into a junkyard.
If you are just learning how to cut okro in your husband's house- na to say Major General don turn to recruit be dat o.

Marriage is not bread and butter; it is sweet and sour. It is not smooth-sailing; it is battling against storms and tempests. It is not a straight road; it's a road full of sharp bends and many unknown T-junctions.
Think about it: Most children that grew up in dysfunctional homes ended up to become society mis-fits.
Why do you think it's ok to create more problems for the society?
Why do you want to rush in to join the growing statistics of failed marriages? Why don't you take your time to get it right?
If you are presently in one that is not fully working, why don't you come down from your high horse and find out what it is you could have done differently. Be humble to learn and change instead of thinking the easiest way out is to find a replacement. The land is not greener somewhere else.

Marriage is the coming together of two rough edges. They have to be rigorously rubbed together until the edges are smooth and can run flawlessly.
This process create sparks, certain parts will fall off, they get reduced in size but the CORE remains.
If you can't bear to go through this process, please steer clear of marriage.
Don't fail before you start!

Life is lived in turns

In the morning, i see people in one part of the city shoving and pushing @ the bus stop. No regard even for disables or pram pushers.
Fast forward to another part of the city, i find another category responsibly waiting on a queue. ALL GOING TO THE SAME DESTINATION.
...It wasn't the government who decided how these two categories of people should behave- MENTALITY did.

Most people's mentality is all about ME, NOW, GREED. We don't believe in giving other people a chance. We rush. They say "take", we "scoop". We pull others down for us to rise. We don't stick to agreements, we renegotiate deals when it does not go our way.
We bring up our children with same mentality and it is a never-ending cycle.

Instead of looking inwards, we'd rather blame God for making someelse better than us. No He didn't we did!
Each one of us wants to get 'there' before the other, we want to get our share (and even more) before the other but in the face of all these, we fail to realise that a lot goes on within the process of starting and finishing. A lot happens between the time of asking and receiving We forget that life is lived in turns. We can't just be bothered.

Many people met with their helpers of destiny while waiting, and some missed them because of too much haste.
Some people through their act of kindness, like giving up their comfort for someone else to enjoy, got a bigger and unexpected reward in return. While some single-handedly wrecked their own chance of breakthrough with uncouth attitude.
I even heard a story of someone that escaped a plane crash because somebody played a fast one on him and took his place on the flight.

Life is lived in turns, try a little patience.

Giving others a chance only potray you as being graceful not that you are foolish.

To make your life fascinating, a good character is all you need to exhibit.

Stop chasing the wind. What is yours will not elude you as long as you are in the right place you ought to be.

Change your mentality and witness a great change in your life.

*(After we might have all gotten on the bus, i then take a look around at all those who were shoving and pushing to get in-the bus isn't moving them faster because they got in before someone else Here is all of us in the bus going at the same pace. So ki wa ni wahala aye gan?!)"

What do you discuss during courtship?

I wonder what partners discuss during courtship.
Courtship na period to shine ur eye wellwell but most girls get carried away in the euphoria of 'i am engaged' they are more concerned about outings- cinema, eateries and shopping. Those times their love don get infected with cataract- e no dey see well. It only sees Bold5, diamond rings, LV handbags. Na marriage dey do corrective surgery for dem- dat time e go come be like say dem marry stranger.
After marriage if the man tell you to bring your bumbum make im fire am, u go come dey think say na when una marry devil enter am...Devil don enter am teytey na you no know.

Courtship is a test trip into the future. It's a time for the intending couples to determine if they are spiritually, emotionally, and financially ready for the marriage. Most importantly, it is a time to discover if it's God's will for them to enter the holy matrimony.
The main aim during courtship is not to allow gifts, greed, emotions, and sexual intimacies becloud your view of the other person.

Now don't get me wrong, you are not on a fault finding mission neither are you searching for 'Mr/Miss perfect'. You are simply searching for what you can consider as the CORE upon which every other values which ensures a long-lasting relationship is built on.

You are not on a mission to change or convert the person to what you desire- you'll succeed in creating a pretender, who will play along just to get you to commit yourself. When the marriage proper begins, you'll see their true nature.
Usually, compromises which both parties are unwilling to make during courtship cannot be achieved during marriage. So don't expect a miracle.

Distance (where intending couples live miles apart) has an impact on courtship; this is also similar to 'arranged marriage' where couples don't meet until they get married. In this case, the only way out is to prepare your mind for the worst and be ready to cope and not quit. If you don't like and can't handle surprises, don't just get into such relationship in the first place.
Dem no dey complain for black market o. E good, e no good u must accept am like dat. Therefore shine your eye well-well no let awuf kill you.
A dead relationship or courtship is better than a sick marriage.

Spare the rod and spoil the child

PARENTS-

I think so many parents need to review how they bring up their children and stop creating problems for someone else to inherit in the future.

E ranti wipe omo ti won o ba ko n'ile, ita ni won ti ma ko wa. There's no way an uncultured child will be scolded by an outsider without a mention of the lax training given by the parents. So the onus is on you to train your children well so they don't become a source of shame to you later.

So many parents think they are showing love when they pamper their children and indulge their excesses but in reality, they are actually destroying their lives . Such children end up not being useful to themselves talkless of others.

When you refuse to give your children some of the things they request for- you are not being miserly, you are only opening their eyes to one of the realities of life that they cannot have everything.

When you turn off the washing machine, stop the maid from coming, make them cook their meals- you are not being mean, you are only teaching them how to do the basic things for themselves and not depend on others.

When you subject them to a bit of inconvenience and pain here and there- you are not a devil-incarnate, you are simply making them to drink from the the well of life which springs both sweet and sour. You are building them up to be prepared to face everything life has to offer.

When you sometimes turn deaf ears to their cries for help- you are not being callous - you are only teaching them how to find their way out of difficulties.

When you leave them to bear the consequences of their actions, you are not being insensitive- you are teaching them to learn from their mistakes and become wiser.

When you give them tasks to tackle, you are not making their lives miserable- you are only building up their confidence to handle challenges and not quit.

Please do everything you can to make them become champions before they leave your custody. Start early before they end us as ''dried fish'' which can no longer be bent. Do your part- raise a generation with good values. Raise a generation with the fear of God!!!!

CHILDREN-

Ti won ba bi ni tan, a ma n tun ara eni bi ni. Even if you were not well brought up, you can re-birth or re-brand yourself to become somebody everyone will be proud of.

For those children who sees their parents as witches and wizards due to their level of strictness, i want to congratulate you for having such parents. You won't understand what they are doing in your life now, but i promise you when you do, you'll realise your indebtedness to them is forever. I used to be in this category and i remember once asking my mum if indeed she gave birth to me or i was adopted. Today, i can only bless for her for everything.

And finally, to those children who think they are too big to be trained- Iya yin wa ninu cooler. Ekun ojo ola le fi n sere.

I am of the opinion that every child regardless of the gender must know how to handle the basic house chores, show respect and be able to conduct him/herself properly in public.

***Respect to every parents out there who are making maximum efforts to raise children who'll become part of the solution. E o ni f'oju sunkun awon omo yin o.

Bless.

(2 of LAGBAJA's songs come to mind to compliment this write up- 'MUMMY HI' and 'AKEBAJE'. Links are provided below if you care to listen to them).

Mummy hi

Akebaje

MMR-Money Miss Road

- Oga na ur tea be dis sir i don make am.

- Olówó: Thank u. What water did u use; boiled or boiling water?

- Oga na boiled water....e hot wellwell...

- Olówó: Keep shut my friend! Go and pour it away and make another one for me with boiling water. Illiterate...you dont know the difference between boiled and boiling water? Do u think this is Bongo tea? I bought it at Harrods the last time i travelled to London and you must read carefully the instructions on the side of the pack. Do you want to poison me?
By the way, i will deduct the cost of that teabag u wasted from your salary.

Real life is much more than degrees

You saunter about and take pride in having so and so degrees without any skills. Haven't you heard that employers don't pay you for having a certificate? They pay for the value you can add to their organisation.
Look, real life is much more than degrees. To have any chance of success, you must carry a solution. This is what feeds you to abundance in the midst of famine.
Stop whining about how you carry 3 Mscs yet you can't get a job. Certificates don't take you past securing an interview. The rest depends largely on what you carry.

When last did you make any attempt to improve on your skills or acquire additional ones?
You spend all your time on watching TV, and prefer buying entertainment magazines- when you should as a matter of fact be out in search of a specific knowledge that would turn you into a solution that someone is in need of.

I ain't saying you should live a boring life, what i am saying is that you should spend your time wisely and concentrate on valuable stuffs that would set you apart.

I ain't saying don't go to school, all i am saying is that schools only teaches you how to 'read' you need to learn how to 'think'.

David, Joseph, Daniel - all prospered because they were solution carriers. It does not matter the place or the economic situation; when you have what people want- ona a la ni....because the gift of a man will make room for him

Blame the government as much as you like for not providing jobs.
Blame your employers as much as you like for not paying you enough.
Blame your poor backgrounds...go ahead blame everyone!
Blaming does nothing. It only make you feel good with yourself.

If you really want to break out of the cycle, go out in search of knowledge. Knowledge is power.


E kuro nidi osi. Get serious! Be a solution!"

Take a lively interest in the prosperity of others

‎"Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep." Rom 12:15

How many times do you get invited to friends' baby showers when you are still praying to conceive.

You get weekly invites to attend another friend's wedding yet no man is looking your own way.

You see friends change new jobs like set of clothes but you are still struggling to get a single job interview confirmed.

The most difficult thing to do as a human being is to congratulate others on their success especially when the same issue they are happy about is a disappointment for us.
What is commonplace today is the reverse of Rom 12:15. We mourn when we see others prosper and rejoice at their misfortunes. This is bad!

We need to take a lively interest in the prosperity of others. It should be a matter of rejoicing to us when we hear of the good health, prosperity, or happiness of another person. When we do this, happiness diffuses and joy is multiplied among everyone.

We need to build a compassionate and sympathizing mind. Our hearts should feel for the distressed. We ought to be able to enter into their sorrows, and bear a part of their burdens.

However, we should be careful not to rejoice with those who are celebrating their sinful and criminal conquest but good and laudable things.

Iwe awon agba ori keji ese keta wipe: "Eniti o ba alayo yo, ayo tire naa ko ni pe de"

Ma ro ibi si elomiran.
Ma sare kiri bi ti elomiran se ma baje
Ma soro ibaje elomiran
Ma pegan
Ma d'ìtè
Ma binu

Prof vs Pastor

(A man cornered the pastor after the service)

Pastor: Good afternoon sir. God bless you and i hope you enjoyed the service?

Prof: Good afternoon. Well, i quickly want to correct something about your prayer which i found to be wrong. I respect your calling as a man of God but you see, i am an expert in my field. I hold Phds in Geography and Geological sciences from Yale and Cambridge Universities respectively, so i think that places me in a more comfortable position to correct you.

Pastor: Sorry sir. I never disputed the fact that the Sun is smaller than the star neither did i contest against the rock cycle in my preaching or throughout the service. Ki l'ese mi double professor?

Prof: You see in one of the prayers you prayed today, you said all the goods and blessings of the people shall locate them from the 4 corners of the earth to which they all chorused "Amen". I didn't say amen because i am well learned. I am not ignorant like the rest of the folks.....

Pastor: Sir, what did i say wrong? Did i curse them? Kilode te fe daamu ni professor?

Prof: Listen man of God, the Earth is not squared so it can' t have 4- corners or whatever you call it.
Let me simplify this for you- according to the geodesy, a branch of science responsible for measuring the Earth's size and shape, the Earth's shape is classified as an oblate spheroid or ellipsoid, instead of a true sphere. This means that instead of being of equal circumference in all areas, the poles are squished, resulting in a bulge at the equator, and thus a larger circumference and diameter there.
The equatorial bulge at Earth's equator is measured at 26.5 miles (42.72 km) and is caused by the planet's rotation and gravity. Gravity itself causes planets and other celestial bodies to contract and form a sphere. This is because it pulls all the mass of an object as close to the center of gravity (the Earth's core in this case) as possible.
Because Earth rotates, this sphere is distorted by the centrifugal force. This is the force that causes objects to move outward away from the center of gravity. Therefore, as the Earth rotates, centrifugal force is greatest at the equator so it causes a slight outward bulge there, giving that region a larger circumference and diameter.
Local topography also plays a role in the Earth's shape, but on a global scale its role is very small. So you see in actual fact, the shape of the Earth is not the simple clean sphere which everyone always imagine, it is actually like a lumpy potato. So tell me how that could have 4 edges?

Pastor: Jesos Iwo lo de pe mi o! But why....why?! Se mi o si adura gba bayi?
Professor, i deeply apologise for encroaching your territory without permission. I am happy you didnt say Amen because boya ko ba buru ju bayi lo.
Please let us forgive and forget the past. I have headache now sir. E je ki n ma lo. God bless.

Prof: That's all right. Not at all...i am not angry. But it is expedient i correct mistake like this whenever i come across one. I would have explained more to you about the chemical composition and internal structure but i'll allow you to go and rest now. Can you book an appointment for me to have a chat on this with you?

Pastor: Prof, thank you let me go and digest what i have heard. My diary is fully booked from now till 2015. Ko s'aye sir.
God bless you. Bye!

This is an unusual blog

My style of writing might be different from any other blogs you are used to, and that is because my posts are spontenous. I never planned to write them... i am only sharing my thoughts. So i share it as raw as it is.

I am not an Oxford-trained journalist/writer so don't expect me to sound polished or flawless. EXPECT BLUNDERS. I don't obey any blogging rule, i am not competing with anybody, i am not writing to impress, i don't write to attack anybody,  I AM SIMPLY THINKING OUT LOUD.

This blog is for people who are in search of truth, as well as those who are looking for a place to de-stress.

This is an unusual blog.

Read, learn, laugh, share and leave a comment.

Peace.

Illuminatti (Eket Branch)

Satan reading the headline of a soft-sell magazine:
(Doctors have advised him to avoid the National dailies or TV due to his high BP)

Headline: "Iluminati approached me last year"- Tuffacce.

Satan: hmmmm...same tuffacce? He he he....(laughing) Koradini! Koradini!!

Koradini: Yessss my lord! Sorry my lord i was running the water for you to take your bath. It is good to see you laughing my lord....

Satan:Take this and read (handing him the magazine) which branch of the illuminati approached him? Eket or Eneme junction branch? He he he (laughing)

Koradini: (laughing) My lord....."

To all the guys trying so hard to form bad guy - i hail o!

Person wey no get good skin sef go dey do tattoo. Worse still im go hire tattooist wey no get good writing....ontop am u com add colour. Isshhhh!

Chop good diet
Drink plenty water
Make ur skin look ok before u attempt to design am.

Tatoo wey suppose dey shine for ur body come dey look like say dem rescue you from the mouth of shark.

Naija boys wey wan form hard guy by force. I hail o!

The state of the Nation- (Aluu 4)

In Uk, a 4yr old girl went missing, the humane community sprung into action and many volunteered to join the police in their search. 3,259.8 Airmiles away, another communtiy was smashing the life out of 4 young men.

Are we asking the right questions?
Why should we have communities setting up vigilante groups in a country where the police is supposed to be in charge of safety of lives and properties?

Tunisia, Egypt, Libya, Syria all stood up for their countries. All we are waiting for is for their countries to become better and we'll queue up at their emabassies for visas.

Artists are not singing the right kind of songs to caution the insensitive leaders. They sing to promote fraud, prostitution and fast-life just to make their money- afterall, no one sponsored their studio sessions. They play it safe inorder not to upset the powers-that-be who'll set them up to perform at mega concerts and birthday parties of the elites. (Is there even any need for another artist to sing? What happened to all the ones Fela sang about? No be mad man una call am?)

The religious leaders have turned spiritual scammers who fleeced the people of the little they have left in the name of God. Now that the whole country is getting flooded, they' ll start buying yachts for rural evangelism.

The presidency and legislature are busy lying to the nation. The judiciary can no longer be trusted to give a fair judgement. All infrastructures are grounded and our system has totally collapsed.

No love, no trust, no truth
So much pain, uncertainty and frustration.
Our walls are broken, our cities are invaded, our homes plundered
Mothers are wailing, children are captured and their fathers slaughtered
The gods are angry.

Who will rebuild the ruins of our walls?
Where is our Nehemiah?

Letter to Mr Boss

Mr Oga the terror, goodmorning o. Na you i get message for this morning.

Yes, you wey don turn yourself to god. If you dey waka everywhere go dey shake. Everyone fear you sef pass Idi-Amin. So many of your workers are now HBP patients becos of your attitude. So many are mentally depressed and even you have driven some to hunger and poverty after they resigned from their employment due to your overbearing attitude.

Let me tell you, igbeyin re yio buru o. Èbù ìkà to n gbin yi, àrómodómo re yio je nbe.
The avenger of the weak will fight for all those you have victimised.

Kilode to wa ile aye m'oya gan? You no fit learn from the lives of past tyrants to see that power is transient?
Se na you be the 1st person to sit on the chair where you dey? Awon to wa mbe lana da?
If you never hear how Bashorun Gaa died, sebi you dey alive to witness that of Ghadaffi? No chance for him to wear im cap. His golden pistol could not even save him at the hour of death. Kilode ti iwo naa wa gbe ipo ru? You sef go comot now. You no go die there.

Eniti a gbe gun ori eshin to n ta ara ile n'ipa, ko ma gbagbe wipe bi eshin ba gbe oun subu ara ile ni yio gbe oun dide.
When you are at the top of the ladder don't kick those below you. Remember you might need them on your way down.
Alagbara kii s'Olorun.
Olowo aye ma h'uwa bi eniti ko ni ku o.
Olola rora se, ile gbígbe naa n yò.
Ipokipo ti o ba wa- ranti wipe oore ofe ni.
Ma s'iwa hu.

If you find yourself in any exalted position, remember IT IS A TEST.
Power don't change you, it only reveals who you are.
Afunso lasan lo je, a o fi emi awon osise re le o lowo.
Because she be your housemaid ni mean say make she dey wear rags and live in the pigsty. Eru naa ni baba- ona lo jin o.
If you treat your maid like your own child does it cost you anything? Afterall she shares the same colour of blood with you.
Your own children sleep at 7pm, maid sleeps at 1am- you say afterall she's getting paid. Se owo emi lo n san fun ni?

Ika o lere lo j'awo mbe.
Treat others as you'll like to be treated.
Don't transfer the ill-treatment you received in the hands of you former boss to your innocent subs. No be dem offend you o.

Be fair in your judgements.
Don't find faults where there is none.
Appreciate every little thing people do for you.
Pay them their dues promptly. Don't let them beg for it.
Never be too big to say 'i am sorry'
Be humane. Ma lo won ni alopa. Give them breaks to get refreshed- even machines are turned off to rest.
Don't build a fence around yourself because the same will prevent them from getting access to warn you on the day of danger.

And to those of you who have already planned how ruthless you'll be should you get to the position of authourity. Your thoughts will hinder you from getting there. No be curse. You cannot get there unless you change your thinking.
Omode to ni b'oun ba d'agba ori eyele l'oun ma ma je- ori eyele yen gan ni ko ni je ko d'agba o.

Eyin logbalogba- e rora o.
A ti ri omooba to pada wa d'eru
Aye yi naa la de wa ti eru ti n j'oba
Iwa olukaluku ni yio se idajo.
B'aye ba nye o rora se o.
Ma f'owo ola gba awon alaini l'oju.
Ma h'uwa ta lo fe mu mi?
Ma j'aye familete-ntuto
Ma ranti atunbotan.

Worship or Worldship

Imagine talking drummer playing "Gaji gaji oko oku...kokoro mortuary- oun lo nsi, oun lo nti" during praise and worship!

Ariya aye lasan la nse- a o yin Olorun ninu iwa mimo.
Ijo èsín la njo- a o jo ijo ologo
What we are doing is synonymous to lighting strange fire on the alter of the Most Holy one.

We have not been consumed only because He's slow in anger and plenteous in mercy."

Be sensitive

When you meet new people, don't take the opportunity for granted. It's not just a coincidence- it's divine.
If you meet people, try to pay close attention to see what they are in your life to do.
Some people don't do this and the miracle, message, help, opportunity  connection passes them by while they are still calling for help.
Pay close attention. Nothing just happens!
Be sensitive- not everyone will declare what they are in your life for. You have to find out. If they are for good- sieze the moment. If they are negative influences-cut them off.

**(Please don't misunderstand me. I am not saying you should take advantage of everyone that comes across your way).

ABYSS

The rich man saw the poor man in the day starving but he refused to help.
The poor man then came to the rich man in the night to 'demand' to be helped.

The rich man didn't like the poor man coming to his house to 'demand' for help so he built a fortress around himself.
The poor man undeterred by the richman's approach, returned well-fortified to have his way regardless.

The rich man who can no longer tolerate this intruder contacted his friends in the society to provide him with extra force to keep the poor man at bay.
The poorman too called his fellows to join hands with him to break the resistance of the rich man.

The rich man thinks it is not his duty to help the poor man.
The poor man believes the rich man took all the chances.

The poor man cannot sleep because he's hungry.
The rich man cannot sleep because the poor man is awake.

Na wa for London Pikins o!

Na wa for pikins in this country o. Before dem sleep you go read "Aladdin and the lamp" for them. In the morning before dem gree brush teeth, you go sing "This is how i brush my teeth, brush me teeth (2x) this is how i brush my teeth in the morning" for them.

...For our countryside- just scream " lo sun!" e don do.
In the morning, na dem wan brush teeth, na you dey hide toothpaste." sebi o lo paste lana, just rinse your mouth with water today.

A fool and his money will soon part ways

Imagine all the money these fools make in this harsh winter weather, one spagetti-babe with leggings go just come collect everything for Summer.
If that one no happen, some fuji musician go enter fom naija dem go begin spray am like say na dem hold the key to the bank of England....dat 1 sef go just dey mention their name " Sina, Sina, Sina....Otunba Peckham1". When in actual fact no king dey for peckhamshire sef talkless say dem go give you chieftaincy title. Your head sef go dey swell...u go dey laugh like a maniac, dey dance like frog...dey spray money!!!
Go Ijebu- ode make u go see the kain mansion wey KWAM1 build. 4 huge buildings in one compound. Bulletproof doors, all fittings imported from Italy. Yet u wey dey spray am money still dey live for house where una dey queue b4 u take ur bath. If your ordinary 1 week bus pass lost sef u go dey cry like person wey Tiger kill im 1st born.

Mschew....A fool and his money will soon part ways.

Prov 17:16- "Wherefore is there a price in the hand of a fool to get wisdom, seeing he hath no heart to it?"

If dis talk wey i yearn vex you abeg no swear for me o. Na as d mata pain me na im make me talk o. In this weather wey water and mucus dey comot from agbalagba eyes and nose when nobody beat am....na im u go com dey spend the money anyhow? E ronu o!

Alfa Oniwaasi

(Alfa Oniwaasi)

E ba mi gb'Olohun tobi (Allah Akbar)
Adupe lowo anobi wa mohammed (S.A.W) ati awon ojise re gbogbo.
A ki gbogbo awon agbaagba alfa ti nbe nikale and awon shehu wa gbogbo. Ki ike ati ola Olohun ma ba gbogbo won.

Pataki oro mi loni ni fun awon odo wa gbogbo.
Eyin janmo, a be ri bi aye se nlo loni ni? Awon òdó wa o osise alalubarika mo loni. A ti wa ni irole aye.
Awon òdó wa o gun okada mo, a f'ise yahoo.
Awon odo wa o sise tailor mo, a f'ise yahoo.
Awon odo wa o sise bricklayer mo, a f'ise yahoo.
Ise oriburuku, ise yahoo yi ise epe ni.

Gbogbo owo oyinbo ni won ti gba tan....won ni owo ti won je awon baba nla awon ni awon ngba pada.
Bi won ba wa je owo yahoo yi tan, won a wa lo ra oko nlanla, awon oko bogini.
Mo ri Kamoru, oloriburuku omo n'ijo jimoh, Mo ni "Kamoru, lati ojo ti o ti ngba control oriburuku to ngba kiri o wa mosalasi mo.....iwo omo musulumi. O tun wa gba owo yi tan o ngun oko ti won pe ni Honda alla. Eyin o ri awon omo kristiani, se won gun oko to nje Honda jesu ri? Se eyin o mo wipe Olohun oba ni nje Allah?!"
Laila illahlahu!

Eyin oloriburuku omo e wa ngun allah gege bi motor. E o le r'orun wo! E gbo mi, awon oyinbo naa ni eleda ti won o. Bi e ba gba gbogbo owo ohun tan ti e se si Naira, walahi to ba je millions tabi Billions- e o ni fi se nkan rere. E o ni fi kobo sile de omo te o fi jade laye lola alquran karim.

Eyin alfa te nba awon omo wonwonyi sise, ti e nba won s'adura, ti e nba di tira, ti e nba won te yanrin ti won nfi sise yahoo- gbogbo yin le o jiya lojo agbende alukiyamo. E o le bo ninu ina allah!

Won pe wa ladugbo kan ka wa bawon se waasi. Lojo naa, ni mo ba se waasi lori oro yahoo yi naa ni. Gbogbo awon omo yahoo adugbo ba pe ara won jo- won na wa daadaa, won ja gbogbo tesibiu wa....won ya gbogbo al-quran. Won ni awon o ni je ka lo a fi bi a ba se adua f'awon.
Nigbati iya yi po eyin janmo, la be bere si se adua fun won wipe: (in a singing voice) " e o ma r'ise, ona o ni di mo yin. Ise yahoo yi yio ma seesee, e o si lalubarika. A toro emi gigun funyin, a toro alaafia. Ki Olohun siju aanu wo yin bo se siju wo ore re mohammed...."

A gbadua yi fun won lojo naa ki won to je ka lo.
Sugbon kini kan da mi loju, gbogbo owo olowo ti e n ji yi, gbese ni yio je funyin. Gbogbo re le o dapada lonakona. E o si j'iya niwaju Olohun. Apaaro ki saaba sori eyin ti kii se ti e- gbogbo nkan oninkan te ji yi le o padanu lase oluhun lola fatia.

Tooo, eyin omo yahoo ti mbe ladugbo yi, s'eyin naa o tun na wa ba ba pari eto loni nitoripe a ba yin wi? Eyin agbagba alfa ati eyin Shehu, se e o ma wo won e je ki won tun na wa loni nitori a ba won so eyi ti nje otito oro?
Se be ri wipe loni emi nikan ni mo nda se waasi. Alfa Jubril, arowaasi mi mbe l'hospital. (in a singing voice) "Awon yahoo ti f'èsé ya gbogbo oju e. Ko le soro, ko le ka ke alquaran mo nigbati won ti f'ese ge ahon e"
Ebe la be yin loni o, e ro ti anobi mo mi lara e je ki nma ba kadara mi lo jeejee.

E je ka t'ewo adura.....



(Transcribed from an audio file shared with me)

Police is our friend

(Armed robbers in operation)

Robber: Hello everyone in this house. We have come in peace just to collect whatever you have for us. We don't have the intention of shooting or killing anyone except you refuse to cooperate with us.
Can the head of this home kindly go in and bring everything you have for us. We only have 15mins to spend here before we take our leave.
Thank you for your cooperation.

(After the robbers have left, the police arrives)

Police: (Shooting maniacally) Everybody lie down!..... You come out there!....Hands up! Bastard! Where are they?!!!!

(At the end of the police supposedly rescue operation, 3 people lay dead within the family that has just been robbed).

Police is our friend. God bless them for us.

Sandra

Mama Sandra: Now that you have completed your service, what is it you want to do now? What kind of job do you want us to start looking out for you now or do you want marry?

Sandra: Mummy, i can't marry now o because i want to become self-employed and marriage would be a big hindrance Let me establish a bit and then atleast one man won't make me do yanga.

Mama Sandra: So what kind of business do you want to go into? Have you done some research on it?

Sandra: Mummy, it is not a difficult business but very high-yielding. All i need is to invest on a very good BB...the rest is easy. I have friends who are already in the business and are doing fantastically well.

Mummy Sandra: BB? Is that not a phone? Is it a calling centre you want to set up?

Sandra: Mummy you just don't worry. Just help me raise money to get a BB and assess me after 3 months.


**Abeg wetin Sandra wan take BB do?**

4 types of riches

There are four kinds of riches. There are riches in what you have, there are riches in what you do, there are riches in what you know, and there are riches in what you are.

There are so many rich men today, but who are only rich in what they have-material riches. This is the lowest kind of riches. No wonder we have so many rich fools or money-miss-road as we normally refer to them in our day-to-day parlance.

It is not impossible for a rich man to be godly, but being rich only in material possessions and not character makes walking with God harder.
It is not coincidental to find men who are only in pursuit of material riches to have a doggish lifestyle. They are brutal and evil in their dealings.
This should remind us of what Jesus said: material riches are a definite obstacle to the kingdom of God (Matthew 19:23-24).

The highest level of riches a man should strive for is the riches in what you are- i.e. the riches of character.

Set up a committee to look into the committee...

Driver: Oga oga the tyre of this car don go down o.

Ògá: Set up a committee to look into it.

Driver: Oga we also need to top up the engine oil...e no reach the gauge level again.

Ògá: Set up another committee to look into that. Ok Can u drop me off at the office now.

Driver: Oga but i just tell you now wetin wrong with the car. How i wan drive am?

Ògá: Ok set up another committee to look into that.

Driver: (thinking) hmm....e be like say oga don dey crase o.
I go set up a committee to look into that one also.