Part 2b- LIFESTYLE
Like i have earlier mentioned while introducing this section, this is where all the noise is. The only word i can use to qualify how you should behave here is NUISANCE. Do everything you can to be a public nuisance. That is the only way you can consistently be in the headline.
I'll give you a list of some of the demeaning behaviours you must constantly exhibit to stay relevant, but first let me tell you 2 most important steps you must take to solidify the foundation.
1. Get yourself atleast 2 bouncers. If you cannot afford the corporate ones, pick from the jobless boys who dey bend iron in your area. Package yourself well- they'll gladly want to be a celebrity bouncer. Wetin go cost you na money for okrika suits and shoes plus regular supply of weed and ogogoro. Promise them free regular VIP passes to A-listed events and even tell them if they behave well, they' travel with you to NY.
Having bouncers will allow you get away with so many of the atrocities you'll be committing. People go think twice before dem touch you.
2. You need to get a media hypeman. Don't fret, things are so easy now with almost everyone becoming a blogger. You don't need to pay a qualified journalist. Get a desperate blogger who can kill to have traffic on his/her blog to become your media aide. Make sure every little thing you do is in the news. Twitter, fb, instagram, gossipblogs etc. If u sneeze, make dem write am say u sneeze and a fan dey beg say make u allow her to lick your nose. Wow....see headline!!! You dey feel me?
So once you have these 2 things in place you can now start flexing.
Now you need to learn how to behave like a star.
- Be controversial. In your talk, behaviour, hangout etc. Find trouble, abuse people, diss other A-list celebrity.
- Even though you get house, pack and move into a club. Go from one to the other. Make sure you have personal keys to all the top clubs.
- Be reckless. Purposefully damage things. Slap people. Buy things and refuse to pay. Assault your female fans all in the name of being a celebrity. Make dem take pixs of you having sex with your female fans and post them online. If you get liver, release a sex-tape. To find oloso no be problem.
Get your blogger to lie about you in the news. Media houses will be falling over themselves to interview you to hear your own side of the story. At this point, make yourself unavailable- pretending to be busy. Make people so hungry for the interview. Then one day call the press and sell the story. No free interview o. SELL THE STORY. As you dey earn the money,dey blow am. No worry anoda one go come.
- Shows: Get late to shows. Keep dem waiting. This shows you are a big person. Big pple no dey arrive for appointment on time.
Get drunk and high to shows. Ordinary eye no fit face crowd. You need to be high to the point where you go dey see human beings like mosquito. No 4get ur sunglasses. It must be on.
I know you'll be wondering how you'll sing when you are high? Simple. Wetin you dey sing sef? No be your CD DJ dey play back to the crowd while you dey jump about? Na the pple wey pay money to come hear you go do the singing wey dey come hear na. You go just dey mention the first lines of the song and you point the mic to them to sing the rest. Na the time to comot your shirt be dis and reveal your torso. Move near make dem touch your body. Some no go bliv your 6packs if na e real....move near make dem count am.
For guys we no dey into guys...wey go don dey vex by now, just throw your jacket, shirt and belt(if e no cost) into the crowd for them make dem dey struggle with that one.
You leave the stage at this point. Show don end be dat.
Instead of going home, hit the club.
On your way from the club, get accident but make sure you no die. It's all to stay in the news.
- Taking photographs: This is another important aspect. You must learn all the finger signs. Always flash the latest sign for every picture.
- Most of the things in this section are repeated actions. Never leave the headline is the game here and you can only succeed in doing this by living on hypes.
If you buy jacket for Yaba for N4,000, multiply the money 3 times in $ and say na $12,000. Send a bottle of 501 to your blogger with a note saying 'A gift for you as i celebrate the purchase of my JONJO KOLASSI Magnum Jacket'. No need to put price. The desperate blogger when im don shack the 501 finish go write $21,000 for the price of the jacket and im go even say you buy 1st class ticket to go do measurement in Milan, add another 1st class ticket to go pick am up when e don ready. Before you say jack, other bloggers sef go carry the news and add their own join am. Na the only difference between a qualified journalist and all these desperate bloggers be dis. A qualified journalist will verify report before publishing.
- Change of team: Now when your profile don dey rise well, you need new faces around you. Starting from your girlfriend (one wey suffer with you when you get only 1 shirt) to your manager, producer and friends wey dey advise you rightly- they must all go! You don't need local people around you. You need rich friends. You need good looking people around you(no be pple wey una go do 3hrs photoshop on their pixs b4 dey look ok). You need a celebrity girlfriend. Scout private universities around, you go get a fresh blood for yourself. But make sure SHE IS YELLOW SKIN IF ATALL YOU CAN NOT GET A MIXED- RACE. Celebrities no dey black o. Na sign of sufferness and u fit dey loose shows- so u sef get to start to dey tone body to look fresh.
Awards: You seriously need lots of this to show you are relevant. The secret is this- YOU MUST BE READY TO BUY AWARDS. You must shell out big for this because e no dey come cheap. There so many people to settle- pressmen, djs, award organisers etc. No dey dere dey kid yourself say award na reward for talents o. Awards are to be bought!
- Charity: Try to dey do small small charity. But make it look big.
Gather money buy bag of rice cook for street urchins dem...and call the press on the day u dey go. When dem come pretend like say u no knw dem dey come. Infact tell dem not to capture the event and that u fit sue dem if you eventually read about it in the news.
That sort of attitude potrays you as a humble philantropist.
My guy, when appeal for huge donation arises, simply stay off the radar until the matter die down or the person wey dem.dey raise the money for kpeme.
After this, be the first to enter studio to do a tribute song.
- Last but no the least: My guy, you need to move closer to your ancestors. Enemies dey around wey no want you to succeed. You need to be traditionally strong. If you like call am juju.....but na spiritual protection me dey talk about. Make sure incisions dey compete with tattoo for your body. You need to insure yourself to survive.
Hype, hype and lots of hype is the game.
END OF LECTURE.
Like i have earlier mentioned while introducing this section, this is where all the noise is. The only word i can use to qualify how you should behave here is NUISANCE. Do everything you can to be a public nuisance. That is the only way you can consistently be in the headline.
I'll give you a list of some of the demeaning behaviours you must constantly exhibit to stay relevant, but first let me tell you 2 most important steps you must take to solidify the foundation.
1. Get yourself atleast 2 bouncers. If you cannot afford the corporate ones, pick from the jobless boys who dey bend iron in your area. Package yourself well- they'll gladly want to be a celebrity bouncer. Wetin go cost you na money for okrika suits and shoes plus regular supply of weed and ogogoro. Promise them free regular VIP passes to A-listed events and even tell them if they behave well, they' travel with you to NY.
Having bouncers will allow you get away with so many of the atrocities you'll be committing. People go think twice before dem touch you.
2. You need to get a media hypeman. Don't fret, things are so easy now with almost everyone becoming a blogger. You don't need to pay a qualified journalist. Get a desperate blogger who can kill to have traffic on his/her blog to become your media aide. Make sure every little thing you do is in the news. Twitter, fb, instagram, gossipblogs etc. If u sneeze, make dem write am say u sneeze and a fan dey beg say make u allow her to lick your nose. Wow....see headline!!! You dey feel me?
So once you have these 2 things in place you can now start flexing.
Now you need to learn how to behave like a star.
- Be controversial. In your talk, behaviour, hangout etc. Find trouble, abuse people, diss other A-list celebrity.
- Even though you get house, pack and move into a club. Go from one to the other. Make sure you have personal keys to all the top clubs.
- Be reckless. Purposefully damage things. Slap people. Buy things and refuse to pay. Assault your female fans all in the name of being a celebrity. Make dem take pixs of you having sex with your female fans and post them online. If you get liver, release a sex-tape. To find oloso no be problem.
Get your blogger to lie about you in the news. Media houses will be falling over themselves to interview you to hear your own side of the story. At this point, make yourself unavailable- pretending to be busy. Make people so hungry for the interview. Then one day call the press and sell the story. No free interview o. SELL THE STORY. As you dey earn the money,dey blow am. No worry anoda one go come.
- Shows: Get late to shows. Keep dem waiting. This shows you are a big person. Big pple no dey arrive for appointment on time.
Get drunk and high to shows. Ordinary eye no fit face crowd. You need to be high to the point where you go dey see human beings like mosquito. No 4get ur sunglasses. It must be on.
I know you'll be wondering how you'll sing when you are high? Simple. Wetin you dey sing sef? No be your CD DJ dey play back to the crowd while you dey jump about? Na the pple wey pay money to come hear you go do the singing wey dey come hear na. You go just dey mention the first lines of the song and you point the mic to them to sing the rest. Na the time to comot your shirt be dis and reveal your torso. Move near make dem touch your body. Some no go bliv your 6packs if na e real....move near make dem count am.
For guys we no dey into guys...wey go don dey vex by now, just throw your jacket, shirt and belt(if e no cost) into the crowd for them make dem dey struggle with that one.
You leave the stage at this point. Show don end be dat.
Instead of going home, hit the club.
On your way from the club, get accident but make sure you no die. It's all to stay in the news.
- Taking photographs: This is another important aspect. You must learn all the finger signs. Always flash the latest sign for every picture.
- Most of the things in this section are repeated actions. Never leave the headline is the game here and you can only succeed in doing this by living on hypes.
If you buy jacket for Yaba for N4,000, multiply the money 3 times in $ and say na $12,000. Send a bottle of 501 to your blogger with a note saying 'A gift for you as i celebrate the purchase of my JONJO KOLASSI Magnum Jacket'. No need to put price. The desperate blogger when im don shack the 501 finish go write $21,000 for the price of the jacket and im go even say you buy 1st class ticket to go do measurement in Milan, add another 1st class ticket to go pick am up when e don ready. Before you say jack, other bloggers sef go carry the news and add their own join am. Na the only difference between a qualified journalist and all these desperate bloggers be dis. A qualified journalist will verify report before publishing.
- Change of team: Now when your profile don dey rise well, you need new faces around you. Starting from your girlfriend (one wey suffer with you when you get only 1 shirt) to your manager, producer and friends wey dey advise you rightly- they must all go! You don't need local people around you. You need rich friends. You need good looking people around you(no be pple wey una go do 3hrs photoshop on their pixs b4 dey look ok). You need a celebrity girlfriend. Scout private universities around, you go get a fresh blood for yourself. But make sure SHE IS YELLOW SKIN IF ATALL YOU CAN NOT GET A MIXED- RACE. Celebrities no dey black o. Na sign of sufferness and u fit dey loose shows- so u sef get to start to dey tone body to look fresh.
Awards: You seriously need lots of this to show you are relevant. The secret is this- YOU MUST BE READY TO BUY AWARDS. You must shell out big for this because e no dey come cheap. There so many people to settle- pressmen, djs, award organisers etc. No dey dere dey kid yourself say award na reward for talents o. Awards are to be bought!
- Charity: Try to dey do small small charity. But make it look big.
Gather money buy bag of rice cook for street urchins dem...and call the press on the day u dey go. When dem come pretend like say u no knw dem dey come. Infact tell dem not to capture the event and that u fit sue dem if you eventually read about it in the news.
That sort of attitude potrays you as a humble philantropist.
My guy, when appeal for huge donation arises, simply stay off the radar until the matter die down or the person wey dem.dey raise the money for kpeme.
After this, be the first to enter studio to do a tribute song.
- Last but no the least: My guy, you need to move closer to your ancestors. Enemies dey around wey no want you to succeed. You need to be traditionally strong. If you like call am juju.....but na spiritual protection me dey talk about. Make sure incisions dey compete with tattoo for your body. You need to insure yourself to survive.
Hype, hype and lots of hype is the game.
END OF LECTURE.
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