"Wait for my Oga at the top....dat's all"

(Mirudin granting a press interview)

Reporter 1: Is it true that your boss is admitted at the hospital after receiving a shocking news?

Mirudin: Yes

Reporter 2: Erm, is it also true you are the one that relayed the news. ...can you tell us what the news is all about?

Mirudin: well yes i was the one that sent the news across.

Reporter 3: Can you tell us the content of the news? We learnt it was about something that happened at abuja?

Mirudin: you see i would have loved to tell you but i don't want to say something now and my oga at the top will say another thing....so please wait when it is time my oga at the top will say it.

Reporter 2: we learnt there is a website where we can read updates on your field reports...can you give us the name of that website?

Mirudin: Well this information you need is not there. It is with my oga at the top. So please wait.....

Reporter 1: But just tell us.....

Mirudin: ok....it is ww.encidici... yea.

(short pause)

Reporter 2: ww.encidici...???

Mirudin: yea...dat's all.


Enjoy the video below:

Letter of grastitudes to Mr Precident

My letter of grastitudes to Mr Precident:

First and actsuali i wants to say we nigerians pepu are prouds of you for your forgivement spirit. You has prove to all of us that you are truthli a man of gawd. Your humbility spirit is also like that of a childrens. You are tried for this country and we thank you bigly.

Nextly and actsuali, i speak onbehaf of the entaya nigerians pepu to thank you for the forgivement you forgive the innocence great leaders who their enemis lie on their head that they are steal money and their name spoil. Thank you for haven belif in them and forgivement them. I hope the money the govament she are collected frm them will also be return.

Lastyly snd actsuali, please the nigerian pepu she are like to submission the names of other pepu that shoulds be forgivement.

Jame Ibory
Bodday jorj
Sissilia Hebrew
Farook Larwane
Taferr Baloogoon
Deemage Bamcole

We didnt want to do court with this pepu again.

Thank you for your understands and may you rule forever more. amen.

Please dont forget the rehabilitate you wants to do for the prostitute in abuja. We knows you are a man of your word bcos you promise to do parry for our nollywood and you has do it. You promise to gives us electric you has do that one olso. You promise to kill bokoharam, you has do that one aswell. We are hapi abaot you and everybody of the nigerians pepu she are smilling.
We prayer rekwest for you again that you shall rule forever.

We love you our forgivement and humbility precident, always smile and dress simpility with or without shoes.

God bless nigeria and god bless all africas the giant of nigeria.

State Pardon

(Satan heard a noise)

Satan: Koradini why did you scream like that? What is your problem.....are you possessed?

Koradini: I am sorry my lord. Erm...i just received a field report from Mirudin that was so shocking sir.

Satan: When did Mirudin start to go for assignment? Who asked you to send him?

Koradini: Sorry my lord. I have so much report to collate as you instructed and i am running out of time....so i asked him to go.

Satan: So you do things now without informing me abi? Issokay. So where did you send him...and what is the shocking news about?

Koradini: I am sorry my lord. I sent him to Abuja to attend the council of state meeting...and he just informed me now that his excellency has given a state pardon to his former Oga.

Satan: What are you talking about...will you speak plainly......i don't like confusion

Koradini: Erm....Mr. Diepreye Solomon Peter Alamieyeseigha (DSP) has been pardoned of all his offences sir. Technically, he is free to now free to contest election and be appointed to serve the Nation in any capacity.

Satan Screamed......................and collapsed.

Aspiring bosses, please take note

To all those aspiring to become their own bosses, please read the following lessons i have learnt from my current employment. This is my 6th year in the company and i have seen it gone through different stages.

1. Anything you build on deceit will eventually crumble. You can only patch it here and there for a while.

2. Whatever you do as the boss is a standard which your employees will pick up. If you are rude to clients in their presence, they will do the same.

3. You cannot build loyal staffs by threats and the use of force.

4. Never underestimate the power of your employees. Don't take them for granted. The more you force them apart or try to break their union, the more they get bonded.

5. PAY THEM AS AT WHEN DUE. Never make them suffer to recieve what they have worked for. It can attract a curse to your business.

6. Don't base all your principle on theory X of McGregor alone and as such you over use them and force them to work without breaks. Balance the work and rest times so as to get the best from them. Give them holidays when they are due....even machineries are sometimes turned off to cool off how much more humans.

7. Never make promises you won't fulfil to your employees. When you raise and dash their hopes at will, you will end up with disgruntled employees.

8. Help your employees to balance their work/family life. They also have needs. Show that you care in deed not only by words.

9. Create a boss-employee communication. Don't build a fence around yourself orelse in the day of danger the same fence will make it difficult for them to rescue you. Be approachable and a good listener.

10. Be humble enough to take the settlement route if there's a dispute between you and your employee. Never allow an employee with the company's vital secrets to walk away unhappy. They have nothing to loose except the salary,and within a few months they can be back in another employment.
You have everything to lose because they hold the tools which can be used to destroy all you have laboured for. Don't be penny-wise and pound-foolish.

11. If management is not your strenght, employ a competent manager to handle that aspect. Never be too afraid to delegate authourity.

12. Hire people based on their competences not by their looks, place of origin or gender.

13. Never become a law to yourself and become reckless. Remember you are still subject to the law of the land and it respects no one.

14. Make it a point to keep employees on a long term in the company. A company with a high employee turnover can never progress because there is no continuity.

15. You don't know everything and you cannot do everything that is why you employed people, so allow them to work. Allow them to use their ingenuities to push your company forward. Also create a room for their development before they become dull and uninterested.

16. If you are the type of boss that ends everything conversation with threats of sacking, you cannot be respected by your employees.

17. Make the company's goal very clear. Don't end up confusing your employees by talking from both sides of the mouth and then blame them for not doing what you want. For example, If your intention for establishing the company is to be defrauding people make it very clear so that everyone knows what they should focus on.

18. Distribute responsibilities according to the ability of each employee. Don't force people to take up roles which they cannot handle.

19. Don't mix business with pleasure. Never indulge in having sexual relationships with your employees.

20. You are not God. Don't assume the role.

You might be thinking why most of the points are employee-related. That is because employees are the greatest asset any company can have.

HAPPY WOMEN'S DAY!!!

Babe exchanging sms with one of her boyfriends (You know dem dey have more than one due to economic instability).

Babe: Hello love x

Guy: What is it u want this time.

Babe: Must i want something b4 i snd u a msg?

Guy: it's ur usual line whn u want sumthng. U dnt just cal me 'love' in vain

Babe: warever.....

(guy didnt snd any sms for like 3mins)

Babe: so u r not going to say anythng?

Guy: like wat?......wat do u want me 2 say?

Babe: so u wanna say u dnt knw wat's hapning 2day?

Guy: what? Whr? ...dunno!

Babe: smh. U r so ungrateful.....am so angry and crying right now. U seriously mean u dnt knw? *crying*

Guy: Look am not in d mood 4 all dis ur drama again. Ok. Wat's hapening whr? Mschew.....

Babe: *still crying......* so u r even doing 'Mschew' to me..... *crying louder*

Guy: ohhhhhhh my gawd....but wat is all dis wahala now? Cnt i rest?

Babe: *still crying.....u mean u dnt knw dat 2day is the international women's day? *still crying loudly*

Guy: so?

Babe: u r wicked dis guy......dont u knw u should appreciate me as a woman and take me out for dinner? No gifts.....no call.....u dont even show me love.
*crying and rolling on the floor*

(service operator's message): message undelivered.

Babe (talking to herself): so the idiot switched off his phone.
Ok let me try with this other guy. One of dem must enter this trap this evening.

I say ''nothing dey happen''

(Satan on the phone)

Satan: Koradini where are you?

Koradini: My lord i am in Akwa Ibom sir.

Satan: Akwa Ibom? Ha ha....Akwa Ibom? What is going on there? Are you not meant to be at the AMVC awards in Lagos?

Koradini: my lord there was a change of plan. There was nothing really happening at the awards sir except for some of the ladies who put their boobies on display. Nollywood didn't do well at the awards so i had to move quickly to Akwa Ibom.

Satan: Is that why you shouldn't inform me of your plan? So what is happening in Akwa Ibom?

Koradini: 2baba is getting married sir.

Satan: koradini are you sick? 2baba? Father Abraham Idibia? Getting married? Is he marring all of them together... i mean all his baby mamas?

Koradini: No sir. He picked just 1 out of them sir. It is the traditional wedding. The Governor was even present and he asked about you when he saw me.
The very generous governor gave the couple 2 brand new Prado jeeps as gift and even promised that a 29-man delegation will represent the State in Dubai later this month at the white wedding.

Satan: my gawd! Koradini you call wastefulness generosity? Are you that confused?
By the way did you see all these things with your eyes and heard what you are teling me directly?

Koradini: My lord all evidences are with me for verification sir.

Satan: Return to base immediately and you must not eat or drink anything in that place.

Koradini: yes my lord but can i finish the small stout am drinking my lord?

Satan: Drop everything and R E T U R N TO BA S E! !!!

$11,000 per minute

Koradini: Tango Tango Alpha 1-6-7-7 ((over))

Satan: Yes go ahead koradini. What's the situation over there?

Koradini: My lord, the lady is here o. Kadershian came o! She just arrived in the hall now.....i heard from the organisers that she was paid very big to attend. Something close to $500,000 my lord.

Satan: Heeey! 500 tar-san what?
I will be on my way immediately. Is my seat still reseved?

Koradini: yes my lord, your seat is still reserved. See you soon my lord.
((over))

(45mins after)

Koradini: Tango Tango Alpha 1-6-7-7 ((over))

Satan: yes koradini what is it again? I told you i'm on my way....is there a surprise? Did her boyfriend turn up?

Koradini: Erm...my lord i just want to tell you not to bother to come again....

Satan: What do you mean....did somebody take my reserved seat?

Koradini: The lady is gone my lord.

Satan: Whaaaaaat?!!!!! Gone where? Dem don finish the programme? Koradini are you drunk?

Koradini: The programme is still on my lord. Erm...she charged them $11,000 per minute my lord and the money is finished.....she's gone back to America my lord.

Satan: Heeeey!!! What exactly did she do? T H I S I S F R A U D O!!!!! BROAD DAYLIGHT FRAUD!!!!
Who paid her that kain money? Who exactly is she? What has the government or the people benefitted from her presence?
Koradini start investigating everything. I need full report! I need full report!! Something is wrong somewhere.....