Keep them guessing.
People want to know all there is to be known about you, and once thier curiousity is satisfied there would no longer be the need for you.
You can share knowledge, but don't ever share secrets.
Iwe awon agba ori keji ese ogun wipe: 'Nkan ti agba fi n j'eko, abe ewe lo wa'.
AV
Think deep and work hard.
You don't come by great ideas without thinking deep. You need to also know that great ideas don't become realities without a lot of hardwork.
There'll be moments of personal struggle and doubt; you'll need to be determined and strong to survive these hard times.
To get the best, you need to work with the best.
Keep your team small but strong.
Above all, be patient. Take your time and be thorough.
If anybody is owing you money, pulease don't use the method prescribed by Rihanna in her new video and song as the way to go o.
Don't kidnap.
Don't hire people to go and help you torture the person.
Don't abduct, torture, or kill the relative of the person.
Don't kill somebori or anybori o.
She might be proving she's above the law-that she can kill and get away with it. Iyen ninu film. Don't get deceived, there is a law in the land that forbids murder. If you try it them go catch you and you too will be sentenced to death. Rihanna will not come and bail you o. She'll be on the island somewhere smoking her bung and sniffing anything sniffable. Ko ran iyalaya e nise o.
She is a servant of somebori just like i am a servant of sombori. Ise ti won ba ran iko ni iko nje. The message she has been sent by her master is what she has delivered. Me too i'm delivering the message i have been sent by my own master.
The message she has delivered within 7mins and already seen by over 10m people including me, is about drugs, alcoholism, kidnap, turture, murder, violence and nudity (though this one don't need mention again). I am not one of those to be deceived. I have seen the light and I know whose report i should believe. However, me who have seen the light have been sent to show the light to other people so they do not walk on the path of darkness.
Thank God you cannot call me over-spiri because you know i be balanced individual.
You can't refer to me as naive because i'm an artist myself, and a creative one for that matter, so i know what i know.
I don't weave conspiracy because i'm not as well-read as those who specialises in that. I'm just talking from the point of view of sombody with the third eye.
The idea is to destroy as many as possible through whatever means available.
Won ni get yin o!
Her (Blowing BBC accent): Excuse me....
Me: Yes how can I help you?
Her: Can you please help me carry my luggage to the station?
Me: Ehn?! Come again....
Her: Please help carry my luggage to the station (pointing to the station ahead)
Me: Why? What is wrong with you?
Her: ...So I can hold down my skirt, the wind keep lifting it up and exposing me.
Me: Soro niyen?
She: Pardon me?
Me (clapping to the rhyme- 'Pekelepekele, arugbo je gbese...')
(I calmly walked away before the matter go turn to riot)
Give me a task to chop down a tree in 9hrs and i'll be there sharpening my axe for 6hrs.
In as much as i know that mistakes are part of life, i don't like making them. I like to get things right at the first attempt in the smartest possible way.
This requires one thing- Preparation.
I see the planning/preparation stage as the most important of all the stages within a start-finish process.
This stage determines how much effort it'll require to finish a task or wether you'll even finish at all.
I like to first think through a task from beginning to the end to have an overview of the whole picture. Then, i try to figure out how i can simplify the whole process to reduce the labour (effort), cost and minimise or totally eradicate mistakes/errors.
There are some tasks that do not give the luxury of time to plan, what i do in those circumstances is to quickly evaluate the existing process of executing those types of task, and improve on them by eleminating the dormant, irrelevant and duplicated steps within the process and add my own new quick steps.
Hurrying through this stage had cost so many people fortunes.
Make all the mistakes you need to make at this stage before you proceed.
All the secrets you need to start and finish successfully are hidden within this stage.Take along with you all the valuables this stage has to offer.
Don't leave this stage empty-handed.
AV
Are you in Lagos and you are receiving alerts of transactions going on in Ilesa, and the bank is unwilling to make refunds? (GtB customers will know what i mean). Has your car been unlawfully impounded by Lastma officials, and they are not offering any option to recover the car unless you grease their palms? Or for any other frustrating situation you find yourself and you want to stage a protest that would move the hands of those concerned to action, PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL.
I offer *naked-ing* services for protests in banks, Lastma office, etc.
My rates are affordable.
You are guaranteed of a positive review on your case within 24hrs.
You can request for a free brochure to see the various items we have to unlock and display when we get to the venue of protests, that'll move the management to quick action.
Only the violent take it by force. Don't keep quiet!
Wife: Darling, what plans do you have for us this year o as regards the holiday? You remember how you got so angry last year when i told you the kids would like to go to Disneyland, and you said Redemption camp is better for them. Which camp are you taking us this year, Deeper or MfM?
Sharp Daddy: I have been planning big time for this year because the kids have behaved themselves well in their academics and all round, so i think everyone deserves a treat, including you; you have been a good wife.
Wife (blushing and smilling sheepishly and repeatedly blinking her eyes): Aww...thank you! O se oko mi. The kids will be so excited. So what are the plans? Tell me....
Sharp Daddy: I am just waiting for the Greece issue to be resolved, and thank God they are nearing a solution now. Once that is done, we are flying to Greece, they have beautiful holiday resorts for families. Ama gbadun ara wa.
Wife (looking irritated): Greece? And what happens if they are not able to resolve the crisis till the kids' holidays are over?
Sharp Daddy: Then we'll go another time. You are talking as if Greece will move away from earth. There'll always be another time.
Wife: Ohhh no! The kids will be very disappointed!
Sharp Daddy: Well, let them be! Are they the ones to be controlling me in this house or me control them? Look, woman take your time ko ma ni mi lara o!
Wife: Ok. Why don't we go somewhereelse? I saw a very good offer for a family of 4 for 7 nights in Dubai for £8,000...and that's including a 4-star hotel accomodation and flights ticket. I think it's a very good offer.....
Sharp Daddy: 8-kini? £8,000 to go to a desert? By the way if you are ready to die you can go alone and don't take my kids with you. I am not ready to die.
Wife: Death? How?
Sharp Daddy: You are asking how? How far is Tunisia to Dubai? Did you hear what happened there recently? By the way, should dying even cost £8,000? B'iku se cheap to bayi, must we pay to die again?
Iwo obinrin lo so ara re o! Ma gbabode ti mi o! If care is not taken, i'll ban holiday-talks in this house indefinitely to ba je wipe every year le ma ma ni mi lara o!
The rain held me back in the office for another 45mins and with no sign of it stopping any time soon, i decided to make way anyhow so as to catch up with my other 2 appointments for the day.
On stepping outside, i realised i can't manage this without a proper covering, the nearest bus stop or station to me is 7-10mins away. I will be wet to my bone marrows.
So i decided to chill hoping that a black cab will pass by that i can use, but it was as if they knew i was waiting- none came around for over 15mins.
Anyway, i braved it and just as i entered the rain, it poured down more. I started to run. No shelter. No black cab. Nothing.
As i was thinking of making my way to a shelter made by scaffolding, i ran passed a broken umbrella that was binned by the angry owner. I wanted to take it but my arrogant mind, that sometimes put me into trouble commanded me to move on. 'you are a big boy, you cannot be behaving like a scavenger.' It said to me. I quickly obeyed and ran to the shelter. No time to be thinking under that torrent of rain.
Just as i got under the shelter, my humble and good mind told me to go back and take the umbrella otherwise i'll just suffer unnecessarily.
So, i galloped back like a big boy and retrieved the umbrella. I unfolded it, found out it was branded by Marriott Hotel, where i usually have lunch with my rich friends, i smiled not minding the 2 oyinbo gbeboruns looking at me, and put it over my head.
I made my way to the bus stop partially wet but proud of my decision.
No shame!
They'll call you to a little corner to tell you of how hard you are being made to work for less pay.
They'll remind you of how the management don't appreciate the hard work you put into doing the work you are getting paid for.
They'll tell you not to get comfortable where you are because the grass is greener in other lands.
Then, they close by telling you that they are already plotting their own exit plans too, and won't be staying in the job for much longer.
After they are done with sowing this seed of bitterness in you, they stand back and watch you water the plant to germination,(they enjoy this process) coming occassionally to help you water it whenever they see that you have neglected it.
After you have heard these words, you become mentally tired and stressed. The job that used to be relatively easy now becomes cumbersome.
You no longer take pleasure in doing anything. Your smile is gone; your pride is taken away.
These things are constantly playing in your head: you want more money. You want less work. You want to be appreaciated.
You become disconnected and lazy.
The management, unable to condone your unproductivity anylonger will kick you out before your negative vibe infect others.
Clap for yourself, you have been played. You have willingly cooperated with the manipulators to add you to their growing list of victims.
Chance will bring you and these people together again years later for the final shocker.
These people will tell you that they are still at the same place of work. What of the exit plans they had, you'll ask?
They'll tell you they didn't have to carry it out anylonger because 'bread crumbs is better than no bread', and by the way, they are now being treated well and enjoying the place.
They'll then scold you for your act of foolishness, and for letting your emotions get in the way of your thinking.
These people are not only found in the places of work, they are constantly lurking around marriages, they are circling around entrepreneurs, they are breathing down your neck at that important moment of making life-defining decision.
Watch it! Don't make your life a fertile ground for them to sow negative seeds.
If you need to change your job, let it be your own decision, and until then, enjoy it and put in your best.
If you need to quit your marriage, make it your own decision.
If you need to change your business, make it your own decision.
Stay in charge of your own mind. Rule your own affairs.
AV
Lord John Sewel, Deputy speaker of the House of Lords, was secretly filmed snorting cocaine off the breast of a prostitute and trying on her orange bra.
One of the prostitutes is heard asking: 'How bad do you want to be tonight then?" Lord Sewel replies: "I just want to be led astray." (His reply left me in stitches.The man na real badoo 😂😂😂)
Anyway, his wish was granted and the disgraced deputy speaker- whose duties included upholding standards among peers, has since resigned his position after the video came to limelight. (This is why i like this divide of the world. If na Africa, the man no dey go anywhere! Resign for taking ordinary cocaine? E de beru Olorun...Haba!!! Resign for sleeping with oloso?! Haba!!! Im kill person?!😎)
Ok, the real gist is that enia kan tun ti jabo lati oke niyen (somebody has again fallen off from the top).
I keep saying it that, to get to the top is not as hard as staying there. There is also a pattern in the causes behind the falls- Owo, Obinrin, Okiki (Money, Women, Fame).
So is anyone immuned from falling from the top? The answer is a capital NO. Anybody that is not careful and wise can fall.
To remain at the top, you need to be reminding yourself from time to time not to loosen your helmet because the head is the target at the top.
The battle at the top is at the fiercest level you can get. Never let down your guard at anytime lest the enemies sieze this moment to attack. The enemies make the maximum use of any opportunity they get. They go for the kill!
To remain at the top, make caution your bossom friend.
AV
Lecture Irole:
Expiry date is different from Best before date.
While the best before date is concerened about quality (freshness), expiry date is more about safety (health).
Ti e ba je eyin to ti koja best before date, walahi e o le ku. Koda gan ko ni ya yin nigbe. It's just that what you are eating is no longer of good quality.
However, ti e ba lo mu miliki to ti koja expiry date, aisan le fi n sere yen o. Especially for those of you with low immunity, e fe ta teru nipa niyen o. I.e you want to kick the bucket. Se e mo wipe orisirisi chemical ni won fi se awon nkan elo yen just to extend their shelf life. Chemical ni ojo to ma parada kuro ni preservatives to ma di poison o.
So ensure you check the dates on the products you buy before you leave the store. E o ni je majele o.
I hope from now on you won't get confused with these 2 different pieces of information again.
Ki Eledua tun so ipade wa.
Emi ni omo yin,
AV
I think it was in 1998 that the spirit of Ogbanje invaded the land, and our ladies started to carry teddy bears around.
I don't know how it started but the spread was massive as so many ladies willingly surrendered themselves to be possesed by this evil spirit.
It became so bad that they were bringing these teddies to the lecture halls, some even carry it along when going to grind pepper.
The ones who had a legion of Ogbanje spirit in them would add sucking of their thumbs to carring the teddybears.
Before we realised what was happening, what used to be a play-thing for toddlers became the major fashion item used in identifying a big girl.
I witnessed this at Kwara Poly at the time but i'm sure it would have been the same throughout the various institutions of learning in Nigeria.
While not trying to diss those that attended private Unis, i think this would have been understadable if they were the ones seen all over the place with teddies. It won't call for so much concern as it did (not so many of them were around then), but this strange occurence was seen at public institutions where they ought to know better.
It was indeed a pathetic sight to behold- to see adult children carrying teddybears and sucking their fingers in the compound of a tertiary school. It's enough to cause any parent to weep! This was exactly what i did- i wept on behalf of all the parents whose daughters were possessed by this evil spirit.
This went on for few years after and then the spirit either got cast out or was bored (because we sabi over-do things) and left.
In 2006, another spirit landed (by this time i was already in London). This was a spirit sent into the world to embarass people. Again, this spirit possessed mainly the ladies. It went about handing out baby suckers to ladies to be sucking. The spirit invaded the secondary schools and colleges mainly (i don't know much about the Universities then because i still dey find tution fees up and down).
There were many designs and colours of this sucker. It was another horrible sight to behold. How can a teenager or somebody on the borderline of adulthood be sucking rubber? The spirit also left after it got bored.
I'm witnessing another trend now which i'll talk about later.
Let me quickly say this before i go to bed, and probably it'll save somebody from committing another grave mistake of sending another rude 'official email' tommorrow morning.
Nigerians, especially those in priviledged positions at government offices or private companies, don't understand the format of formal/official letter or email.
The only interpretation they have of it is that YOU ARE RUDE.
Why do you think you are not getting feedbacks from the several emails you have sent to follow up that your application? You are rude ni!
How can you write:
'Dear sir,
I write in regards of the application submitted on the 15th of July 2015.
Kindly furnish me with any update on the process.
Best regards,
Akin VòGg'
Such a letter is going into the bin with a big long hiss behind it, or the email is removed with a loud bang on the delete button.
Mschew...furnish ko, furniture ni! Rubbish!!!
This is the format to write a formal/official letter to a decision-maker in Nigeria:
Dear Sir,
Goodafternoon sir o. How is the family and your health?
Please sir o, don't be offended that i'm sending another email(or letter) to ask about the progress of the application i submitted on the 15th of July 2015. I don't mean to be disturbing you sir because i know you are a very busy man. Please sir pardon me o. I'm your son o.
Please sir, i'll be very grateful sir if you can just find any means to let me know how far sir. My telephone number is 08073546621, even if it's ordinary text sir you can send to me for me to come and hear the feedback sir. I'm not even saying you should call me sir, i can call back if you flash me sir. Once i see your flash, i'll know it's you sir.
Don't forget me sir. God will not forget you too.
Your humble servant,
Akin VòGg
Brethren can you see the big difference between the two formal letters? If you were the one, which email or letter will you treat with mercy? Which one of the emails/letters will make you feel like the boss that you are?
Oh ho, you sef pick the second abi? So when you know that, why are you sending rude messages up and down and you expect them to reply you?
Use the second format tommorrow and come and thank me later.
For those of you whose money were illegally withdrawn, and have been writing all sorts of rude letters to the manager directly or through your lawyers asking them to return your money, you are only wasting your time o. If you can't go to the bank and naked yourself to get your money, then learn how to write a proper Nigerian formal letter. Learn some respect. Learn some manners.
Goodnight.
AV
