Thursday 25 April 2013

NO TIME O!

Frank: Heeeeee...my friend this Abuja dey pay you o. Just 6 months and you are riding a customised Bentley?!!!

Ben: Ol boy....NO TIME o! siddon there.......see make i tell you, Abuja is flowing with gold and diamond provided you dig the right soil.
There so many super-rich women over there whose husbands don't have time for them. We are the ones taking care of them.

Frank: Eh...Osanobua! But that is wrong. Are you now a gold-digger? I thought this type of behaviour is only known with ladies....

Ben: heee....NO TIME O! Siddon there. wetin you want make i dig before if i no dig gold? Make i dey dig yam? See what is good for Chioma is also good for Chukwudi...no be only women get the trade again o.
Wake up!!!! This Bentley is N62million naira! I also have a G-wagon and a Porsche. NO TIME o! This thing you are wasting on all these small girls in Lagos and dey even take you do sakara is a serious business in Abuja. All you need at the beginning are just few designer clothes, a car and good packaging to enter them. All these things you can rent...... once you enter one like this....bros u don hit jackpot o.
It is a miracle that the first ever time i'll fly in my life, i flew a 1st class. Up till now, i don't know how an economy class looks like. Bros no die for Agboju o......come Abuja.
NO TIME O.

Fake people fake nation

According to reports, 60 houses were burnt yesterday in Ibadan after the driver of a fuel tanker lost control and spilled its content before exploding.
Up till now, i am yet to see any status update registering any form of condolence to those who lost lives and properties.
When Whitney died, some people no chop. Thatcher died una choose aso-ebi. Bomb explode for Boston, una go queue for embassy say u want visa to go console Obama. UNA OWN PPLE DIE FOR YOUR OWN BACKYARD UNA NO DO ANYTHING. S H A M E!!!

I dey wait na sebi another earthquake go happen for Pluto...make we see how una go cry for ur relatives wey dey dere.

#Fakepeoplefakenation.

Truth runs faster than lies

This is what i call standard.
You don't find this in an environment where 'anything goes' no wonder they think they can come here to do the same and get away with it.

I totally understand how hard it is for a student to survive in this country but he should have known that the chances of getting away with an arrangement like this is very slim except the supervisor is a 'sure guy'.

Some people will be wondering why he was charged for fraud. "He no embezzle money na" lol. Yea it is fraud because technically he is not on duty but will still get paid if not caught. "Sebi he brought somebody to replace him?" That's even complicating the matter because the friend is neither trained nor employed by the railway service.

I think the guyman should just be thankful he's spared a jail sentence.
I doubt if he'll however be able to keep the job or erase the criminal record from his file.

My people, i know it is hard to be truthful but e je ka ma try. Ti e ba paro ti won ba mu yin nkan to ma baje ma poju bo se ye lo.
If you say the truth and lose some things, ko matter because you would have gained a good reputation which is better and can help you recover all that you have lost.

Tuesday 23 April 2013

G.O and the Pressman

(The Press interviewing the G.O)

Reporter: Good morning sir.

G.O: Morning.

Reporter: We'll like to talk briefly on issues that borders on the church and marriage.

(G.O cuts in)
I hope that's all we are going to talk about and likewise that's what you'll write. I don't want to read what i have not said o. Also, please report me verbatim and don't imply me.

Reporter: Sir, are you saying there has been some untrue stories reported about you?

G.O: Look...you have started again abi? Se aditi ni e ni? Immediately i told you not to do something you have started to do it. Did i tell you what you have just asked me? So nibo lo ti gbo iyen? Se won fi wahala se yin ni? By the way, is this what you told me we are here to discuss? I think i'll have to call off this interview if this is the direction you want to go.....

Reporter: sir...sir....i am sorry if you think i have erred. Can we please continue?

G.O: Alright before we can continue, i'll have to collect your camera and delete all what you have recorded so far then we start afresh.

Reporter: Is that neccessary? Alright sir...i'll do that.

G.O: I insist that i do it by myself....otherwise.....

Reporter: Alright.....alright sir...here we go. (hands over the camera)

G.O: Oya come and show me...delete da? Bring up the file.....what will i press?

(After about 10mins the G.O was satisfied)

So just go straight to your questions and don't twist my instestine.

Reporter: Sir, an incident was reported in the news media of a wedding ceremony that turned ugly when the housewife appeared at the church to disrupt the weddding. Apparently, the man was currently married and he was leading another woman to the alter. What do you have to say to that?

G.O: Firstly, i didn't read or hear about the incident. I don't read newspaper.

(Reporter cuts in)
Can you briefly tell us why you don't read the newspaper? Does it have to do with what you have read in the past about yourself and you are not happy with?

G.O: Reporter! Reporter!! Respect ara e orelse ma sepe fun e. Let us focus on the matter on ground.
As i was saying before i was rudely interrupted, the incident you have just brought to my attention is a serious one but not strange. There are so many couples out there living decietful lives. So many have done this type of thing and got away with it, while some didn't go to the extent of church or registry but have multiple partners in different states of the federation. It is a life of lies. It is a life of cowardice. It is a life of shame. It is a life of error.
Several questions need to be asked and all the parties involved have to give answers.
What questions did the pastor who conducted the marriage ask the couples?
How much did the new wife know of the man before going to the alter?
Why can't the man dissolve the existing marriage properly?
Where did they get the crowd that attended the wedding ceremony dancing and clapping? Are they all in the dark about the man's marital status?
You see reporter, it's all questions...questions...questions. But all these questions are pointing to the same foundation- TRUTH. When this is missing in any kind of foundation you lay from the beginning, then everything else will go wrong sooner or later.

Reporter: So what steps are you taking to ensure something like that do not happen in your church.

G.O: Well there are measures already in place to curb this. .....to curb not eradicate...because you cannot eradicate this kind of thing.
But the system is such that couples are not just joined at short notice.
There is a letter of conscent they need to bring from both parents/guidance, there are checks to be conducted at the registry, we need enough time to announce the bans of marriage in the church...atleast minimum of 3 consecutive sundays asking people to come forward and tell us if they know of any reason why the couples should not be joined together. We need people of reputable character in the society who can also stand for them to come forward to certify that they are both single and would make a good home. Privately, we also conduct our investigation especially where either of the couple are not resident in the place where the marriage will hold. Lastly, we have the period of counselling. At this stage, they are told the harsh reality of marriage.
If after taking all these measures and something still happen somewhere along the line, it is not my business. It is theirs. We can rest on the fact that we have taken due care in our procedure.
I don't think the pastor who conducted the wedding can boast to have done any of these things except probably conduct a shambolic counselling for them.

Reporter: What advice do you have for intending couples in your church?

G.O: I usually tell them TO LOOK BEFORE THEY LEAP. I mean in this age, such secrets should not be hidden again. In this era of social media, you can search and also conduct your own personal research about the person you want to marry. But you see so many people are so loved up to do that.
I also advise intending couples to confess any secrets or mistakes in the past which could come back to haunt them as early as they can. If you have given birth before, don't hide it. Asiri si ma tu later o. If you were once an oloso....confess before somebody sends your photos and video of where you were doing the 'do' to your husband. Iyan ogun odun si ma njo ni lowo o.
Lastly i tell them to allow God to choose for them. If you choose yourself, you'll choose wrongly.

Reporter: Thank you sir for your time.

G.O: Thank you reporter. Please report well.

You don't inherit happiness- you earn it.

In life you don't inherit happiness, you earn it.

Ko le si idunnu lagbegbe oninuburuku
Onilara enia o le l'ayo
Ika o le nisinmi
Opuro o le ni ifokanbale

It does not matter how much saccharin you lick per day, you cannot find happiness if you are a worker of iniquity.

Stop acting like you are the only option available

Until you realise you are not the only option, you won't change the way and manner you relate with others.

Bi motor kan o lo si Onitsha, another one will go oun loro ile aye.
Wether you are a business owner, artisan, service provider, husband or wife, you must understand the simple fact that other people have got alternative choices to pick from whenever you fail to meet up with their expectations.

Understand this: You are not the only one rendering that particular service.
You are not the only one in that line of business. You are not the only who posseses the skill required. ALTERNATIVES ABOUND EVERYWHERE.

Therefore to stay relevant in the midst of these alternatives, you need to match quality with the best if you cannot be the best yourself.
You need to price your products and services reasonably.
You need to deal promptly with issues which relate to bad image.
You need to offer something extra which your clients cannot find elsewhere.

Reduce your costs on anointing oyel and mantel you buy every week and increase your concentration on the areas i have mentioned above.
Now you have been told to go and look for the head of an albino ki won fi ba e se etutu for your business to become popular...iyen lo de nwa kiri meanwhile you keep churning out poor quality products which are ridiculously priced.
Infact your attitude even stinks such that nobody wants to hire your service.

See this solution wey i give you now na free of charge. Try am.

Open-air sermon

#Waasi ita gbangba#

O fe ma so otito, o si tun fe je ore araye?
Iyen o le posibu kee! Eyokan lo ma fowo mu mbe.

Listen, je ki nso fact fun e:
* Olooto kii soro tabi huwa ki e ba le feran ohun. They speak the truth regardless of who'll get hurt.

* The moment you make pleasing people your priority then o ma di wahala fun e lati le ma so otito.

* To ba ti feran ijekuje, o ma nira fun e lati le ma so otito.

* If you are fearful, o le sotito nibi to ye.

* If you have some hidden secrets you won't have the confidence of speaking the truth for the fear of not being exposed. Iyen ni awon oloyinbo se fi style so wipe "those who live in glasshouse don't throw stones".
Anyway iyen beyen.

Iwo to like ki won paro fun e naa....o ti ku won kan ti bury e ni.
You that only like to be told what you like to hear....your case is just like that tree whose root has been eaten up by termites. The tree is just standing sooner or later ategun lasan lo ma wo lule.

Eniti o ba nso otito oro fun e orisa e ni. O ye ko ma bo ni. Iru eni be ko fe isubu e ni.
Eniti o ba nparo fun e ni ota e. O fe ko parun ni ki won ba le se yeye e. Sa fun iru awon enia bee!

Reactions

NEWSFLASH:
"One of the suspected Boston bombers killed"

Some Nigerians react:
"That is exactly how to fight terrorism. It should have no place among us. Innocent people don't deserve to die"

My reaction:
"Puleaseeeee americanas are too wickedful and don't sabi d fearful of god. Our beloved presidenc is a gentility sombori. He ha d fearful of god and don't wants to kee terorist pipu but to forgivement them. And we are nigerians pipu she are like him like dat. It is god dat give him to us. If u r not like it u can go to american and go and sit down there. We are too many in this countree sef. The census pipu cannot even count us finish. Pulease oooo dnt compares us with american. Go and kew up to collects visa to american. Leave us alone. Thanks you."

Backward Politics





En-route the ACN Convention. This picture had me in stitches.

With dis kain politics wey we still dey do, we are very far away from any meaningful development.

Tell us the plans, policies, blue prints.....stop carrying brooms and umbrella about.

E kuro nidi osi rederede.

kmt.

Wednesday 10 April 2013

Horror-Comedy Movie

Nigeria just be like Horror-comedy movie.

I still dey watch wetin go happen with this BH amnesty issue.

I wan see names of those wey go dey govt payroll dey collect money. No be ghost dem call dem? Wetin dem wan take naira currency do? Se currency aye ba torun mu ni?

I wan see wetin go happen to the innocent victims wey dem don render homeless, some pikins wey don become fatherless.... women wey don become widows and husbands wey no get wives again. Se nothing for those ones? And you want to dey pay people wey distabilise their lives? Which kain money make we call dat one?

I wan see which group go spring up after BH to come unleash terror on the country just to claim their portion of the national cake as well. Sebi na after niger/delta militant boys na im we begin hear about BH.

Issokay.....make i go buy fuel put for standby for the generator i must watch the movie finish o.

Britiko in Lagos













(A British-born Nigerian just enter Lagos)

One afternoon his Range Rover Vogue was hit.....

Driver: Oga oloriburuku yi ti gba wa sha...

Britiko: (Blowing accent) You mean we have just been hit by that driver? What the heck!

(Driver comes down on the spot...pulls shirt to fight)

Britiko: (Blowing accent) Hey c'mon....c'mon....sombory stop them.
Hey stop.....nooooo...o ma gosh!

(After the fight is broken up)

Driver: Oga you for leave me ki nba aye je. Olosi....apa.....oloriburuku.....

Britiko: (Blowing accent) You don't have to fight! I mean what's all that about?
You could have just asked for his insurance and call the police. I mean....am sure everything will be fine....is this a jungle or something?

Driver: Insure-what? Ko si insurance kankan oga. Ordinary paper la nlo nilu yi. Kini....the paper is just to have somtin to show the fe-ai-o (VIO) ati road safety...ati awon oloriburuku alaso dudu tibi when they stop you. Na people like you dey buy original insurance o. Enia melo lo jeun kanu to ma sanwo insurance bi N5000 losu?
Oga na we go go repair this car o....na why i wan destroy the guy's life be dat. Na ordinary paper we dey buy for this country o....e no cover anythng.

Britiko: (Accent changing) you mean he doesn't have an insurance?! O my gossssh....and he's driving without insurance and endangering the lives of other motorists?

(Offending driver prostrating to beg)

Oga abeg..... I take God beg you.....

Tuesday 9 April 2013

Why una dey fear?

Obama and im family dey go church service on Easter Sunday dem waka for road like every other normal human being. Dem no close road because of dem. Security no shoot teargas. Nobody chop koboko.

Iyawo Governor wan go buy pepper, e wa ti Mile 12 pa.
Iyawo President dey come lagos, una close 3rd mainland bridge....

No be mekunu vote una for there? Ok let us assume say na ur money u take rig election reach power, no be mekunu una dey govern? So why una dey run away from them?

After u don give dem good roads, constant electricity supply, good health facility, quality educational system....se dem go still hurt you?

Why una too dey fear?

A captured mind is a captured man

THE MIND IS WHERE IT ALL HAPPENS.
WHEN THE DEVIL STRIKES, HE ATTACKS THE MIND.
WHEN THE MIND IS CAPTURED, THE MAN IS CAPTURED.

To become the person you hope to be, YOU NEED A SOUND MIND. 2 TIM 1:7- God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

To reach your peak, you need to renew your mind-set and bring it into alignment with God's promises and the way you do things. Only then can you succeed.

"People who are out of shape mentally fall victim to ideas and systems that are destructive to the human spirit. They have not been taught how to think, nor have they set themselves to the life-long pursuit of the growth of the mind, so they grow dependent upon the thoughts and opinions of others. Rather than deal with ideas and issues, they reduce themselves to lives filled with rules, regulations and programmes."- Gordon MacDonald

Don’t start by changing your actions, start by changing your mind.

Area boy in love

Hello sisi mi, wa....je ki nsare gbe nkan si e leti.
Bo se ma nju lo, to ma nju bo yen...mo ma n gbadun e gan...mo ma n likey gan.
O sa mo, mo ma n ko e je baje. Mo ko e je bayano! o sa mo.
Gbogbo front and back yen....gbogbo e lo tiri banba....gbogbo e lo ma nwu mi gan.
Mo ko e je bayati
Mo ko e je bayano
Mo gbon e mu seriously
Iwo naa wo e now...
o duro daadaa
o make sense
o fit
o wo team
o wa mbe
o ta lenu
o ta loju
Iwo nikan idomie meji atagigun 500
...Omo o mo nkan to sele, je ka jo ma se ara wa lese lo....o sa mo...o get e

(You just love area boys when they fall in love)